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phoenixhavoc - suicide note lyrics

[intro]
dear everyone that loves me:
i’m sorry that i had to do this
i didn’t mean to hurt anyone
i just got…
i guess i…
(sighs) i can’t even say it

but i’m sorry

[verse1]
i sat in the dark tryna figure out my next move
i don’t know how but i found myself in my notepad
does it make sense?
then i started to write a little
then paused a little
it feels like am stranded in war
no moves left if i dare move then am dead
i’m feeling like i ain’t enough
but i have hope & i know that god has me
i’m still in the dark lost in thе darkest of thoughts
n0body’s hearing my cries
why don’t thеy hear i need help?
1106 in the late nights,next to my bed
tryna figure out my next move but it feels like my next move is my last one
i’m staring at all of these raps i’m staring at all of my tears
i’m feeling my heart as it tears
i’m feeling my brain as it fears living the life of defeat
oh that’s pessimistic?well gue9ss what?i’m being optimistic
if you want the worst well brace yourself man here we go:i tried to take my own life more than twice but i still stand
i failed a lot that i even failed at suicide
every night when i lay in bed i just recap:worst times
until that day when all those pills were in my hand & my other hand there was a note
i can’t really recall what i wrote but i think i said i’ll go ghost
well this time that good kid didn’t go bad he done gone mad

[refrain]
if you…
i got no motivational words
i guess i ran outta gas
funny ain’t it?
well…

[verse2]
i was taught to sleep it off
if i have a problem i was told to bottle it
i was never taught to talk it out
that’s prolly why i never open up
please forgive me i am sorry
for all the things that i have done
it was never in my past
it’s still creeping in my heart
all the pain that i carry
everyday i laugh it out
but it never goes away
it keeps lurking in the shadows
feeding me these dark ideas
telling me it’s a part of me
but i try to be apart and
the more i try the more i feel it
yeah i get it it’s just strange
it’s just darkness in within
insecurities my newest tenant
welcome to the phoenix manor
yes, i know you pay no rent
it’s stated on the lease agreement
[outro]
i would’ve done all i can
but i guess i couldn’t
hey i’m done it’s goodbye
don’t ask me why
cause i tried
yeah i did & i’m proud

love phoenix

- phoenixhavoc lyrics

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