plastic jeezus - the ballad of a petty criminal lyrics
in my defence, your honour
i felt duty bound
cos when he chewed his food
he chewed with that awful chamming sound
and it wasn’t just a one-off, no
he did it all the time
and yet, somehow
it’s me who’s now
the one accused of crime
well i know they say ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’
and i agree
but i stand by what i did
cos i did what i did
for the good of society
in my defence, your honour
although i stand accused
he provoked me
when he wore his tracksuit trousers with smart shoes
and it wasn’t just a one-off, no
he did it all the time
and yet, somehow
it’s me who’s now
the one accused of crime
well i know they say ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’
and i agree
but i stand by what i did
cos i did what i did
for the good of society
he used three different cards when he was at the cash machine
despite the fact that there was a queue
i just saw red and so i said “i’ve got to intervene”
and that was when i did what i needed to do
in my defence, your honour
he really wound me up
when he added milk before he put the teabag in the cup
and it wasn’t just a one-off, no
he did it all the time
and yet, somehow
it’s me who’s now
the one accused of crime
well i know they say ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’
and i agree
but i stand by what i did
cos i did what i did
for the good of society
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