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podmusical - the ballad of gg scrumptious, part 2 lyrics

[narrator]
ah! i see that you’ve returned!
and just in time, for, as we’ve learned
gg has found a strange stranger visitin’
yes, out from the storm and into his kitchen:

a handsome man, from head to toe
dressed as a chef, colored in mauve

the color awarded chefs of the highest order
for all he’d accomplished? gg was but turquoise

there he stood, dripping wet
and in the calm, he calmly said:

“golden george, hear me this day
your son and all you’ve made – i’ll save

i’m no friend of rays – those swine
they’ve stolen plenty that was mine
but i’ve a plan to bring them down
if you’ll trust in me and hear me out
you’ll have your son and all you’ve made
if you do exactly as i say.”

gg’s mind raced, he blinked and
he expected the mauve chef to fade – a vision
but there he stood! smiling, t–th glistening…

now, gg had sworn to triple m he’d be sane
and deliver the franchise as promised to the rays
that was the safest plan, the plan that saved their son
but now… he could have both? that was a deal to be done…

[golden george]
you got a deal there mister!

[narrator]
“yeah!”

[golden george]
you swear this plan will work?

[narrator]
“i swear
help me – i’ll guarantee you’ll
get all you deserve!

come! you get the oven going
and bring your boy to help”

[golden george]
wait-

[narrator]
“it’s time he learned the business
i’ll need more help than just yourself”

and so the days went
gg and son did toil
while this mauve chef brought
every tub of oil to boil

his recipes were stunning
little gg watched, amazed
mauve took the menu and he
elevated every taste

haha – that made big gg a little jealous, it did
but what did it more had to do with his kid…

[golden george]
this chef, he swore to me
he would save my restaurant and my family
now he’s changed every dish
and i don’t like the way that little g idolizes him…

[narrator]
little g and mauve had grown close, it was true
the boy was entranced by anything the chef would do
and for a chef like gg, this was maddening
to be bested in his own kitchen, his own son his rival flattering

[golden george]
what is this showoff trying
to prove? my recipes are giants
and he’s simply deep-frying
on their shoulders…

i’ll get the best of him
gg scrumptious always wins
he can’t make a fool of me –
this mauve joker

[narrator]
“hi.”

[golden george]
ah! h-llo. i didn’t see you there
just checking the pantry – making sure we’re prepared
would hate to have anything missing, let’s see
plenty of breadcrumbs, that’s good!-

[narrator]
“neat. gg…

i worry now that perhaps i was too hasty
i saw a man without a plan to save his family
i saw a chance to beat the clan that we both hate, see?
but now i fear that my best judgement has betrayed me”

[golden george]
i was just counting napkins you must have misheard

[narrator]
“oh, georgie, my dear, i heard every word
now…
promise me, you’ll listen close
there’s a good boy

you need me or your restaurant’s finito”

[golden george]
you need me too – i’m still working on the reason tho

[narrator]
“i need you because the rays are on there way
you are the bait – let’s get that straight
cuz i’ve another point to make:

george, i’ve waited too long to have my plans dashed by some twerp
(that’s you)
there’s only one chance we’ll have to make this work
my way or out of it, comprende?
now promise me you’ll listen and you’ll do as i say

i’ll make a feast
to end the rays
so, i need to know that you’re gonna behave

for the sake of your son
you will take not a bite
now promise me this little thing and promise that you’ll do it just right.”

[golden george]
…i promise

[narrator]
and so it came! the day the rays would claim what was their right
a grand parade, that swayed and aimed at gg’s gates it’s sights
the procession of the rays, drunk on power, hungry for a bite
the procession of the rays, at gg’s door… it had arrived

meanwhile in the kitchen, the team was at the bellows
the flames in the macaroni oven glowed blue and red and yellow

[golden george]
too hot

[narrator]
gg thought, for his specialty macaroni

[golden george]
this mauve chef must know best, but what if he’s baloney?
if he’s wrong, my son’s gone, my business dies

[narrator]
he thought to himself as he cheesed the gravy fries

but the mauve chef didn’t sweat, he was calm to the extreme
as he prepped the banquet for the rays, like something from a dream
pan friend hand pies, and flash fried pork thighs piled high
and always, eager little gg, beaming by his side

[golden george]
he claims he’ll save my son
but what will i have lost when we’ve won this trick?
he’s enchanted him
little g fulfills his ever whim – it makes me sick

what’s grand about a man who no one knows the name of?
all that i’ve made for all to taste’s made my name famous!
what has he done? to earn g’s love? this is outrageous!
god d-mn that son of a gun, i’ll see him fall before we’re done

[narrator]
gg seethed, he lost himself in hate
but then – the bell. here were the rays
the head ray – real original – greeted gg at the door

[narrator]
“reservation for 86, soon to be one more!”

he said with a nasty smirk –
that pizza making jerk

[golden george]
we have a special night prepared
not a single flourish has been spared
please come and take your seats
i’ll announce my decision at the end of the feast

[narrator]
these words that he recited, the mauve chef had written
and gg snuck a glance at him, standing by the kitchen
the chef nodded, pleased, then left for the prep station
he scooted little g ahead of him, to help with preparations

and the rays took their seats
and sang for their feast!

“we are the rays! since ancient days
we have ruled o’er feasts and fun!
we are the rays, and it’s time that you paid
with your franchise or your son!
our ways are blessed, by the goddess that’s best
edesia, second to none!
we’ll rule as long as the sun has rays
only setting when the rays have son!

so come and feed us with your finest
let us see just what this franchise
has to offer to our dynasty!

serve us scrumptious, don’t be shy, it
might be by night’s end you find us
in…
your family!”

and they laughed in a haughty tone
as they smiled from their franchise throne

and g.g. filled up every gl-ss
took their orders, served the apps

deep fried b-tter and draft beer from the taps

and the rays drank long and ate and ate and ate
and g.g. looked toward the kitchen hoping to avoid his fate
through the window the mauve chef diced, sliced, and juillienned
everything according to his imperceptible plan

and in the oven, there, he’d placed
the macaroni, let it bake…
g.g. wiped sweat from his brow and watched what transpired –
was it the heat or the fear that caused him to perspire?
then, finally, in a great wave of the paddle
the mauve chef removed the macaroni from the oven’s crackle

cheese and noodles steamed the air
the rays all stopped and stared

and they began snapping and calling for the dish –
and the mauve chef put it before them and said “as you wish.”

[golden george]
how they salivate, they cannot wait, they are entranced
but this, is not my dish, this dish is his, it’s of his hands

i know, it’s not my goal, to win their favor
but to know, that in those bowls, he’s stolen
what i made with all my gifts
and taken it for his, the faker…

[narrator]
the rays devoured every plate placed in front of them
demanding seconds, thirds and fourths, even higher numbers and
they were filled with wonderment, and plenty of noodles
as they called for more, poor gg stewed – it was brutal
perhaps he didn’t know how much he needed approval
needed to be reminded he was great, and not useless
well my pupils, you all know that vice is called “hubris”
and if gg knew this, he’d forgotten, his stomach knotted
listening as the whispers started—

“how far gg’s fallen. after showing such promise
he couldn’t have cooked this – it’s beyond him
must be the work of the mauve-robed shaman
gg hired help! he ordered out! how’s that for rock bottom!”

[golden george]
hear them as they jeer, their judgement clear, they think me nothing
that chef, he set me up, he stole my stuff, to see me suffer

but how, could my finest chow, be put to shame?
that chef, with out a name has taken
what i made with all my gifts
stolen it for his, and left
me with nothing but the mess
why did i let him in what was i thinking?

how good can that food be anyway?
i worked for years to perfect my bake
scoured 3 continents for the appropriate cheeses
why does my dish lack while his so pleases?
he’s no g*nius, that weasel. i’m not to be treated
like a servant in my own restaurant, defeated
what makes, what makes, this taste so great
what miracle of mac rests upon this plate
i… shouldn’t. but that breading, that crust…
i shouldn’t . … but i must

[narrator]
and he took a bite

it’s the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted

and then there was a laugh that cut the room
the rays all turned their eyes glinting in the gloom
crumbs in the mustaches, sneers on their faces –
their pants all unb-ttoned their shoes even unlaced

“who dares to laugh at the great cabal of rays?
we’ll see that this mirthful joker pays!”

at the kitchen’s maw, the mauve chef stood tall
he bellowed a laugh and smiled at them all

“bet you’re wondering what’s
got this giggle in my gut
put this wiggle in my strut
while i’m showing you up
well let me tell you what:

but first maybe i’ll
leave this costume behind
i am bacchus divine!
the god of wine
and party time!

i’ve always hated you rays
since that fateful day
edesia stole our ways
of making drinks and tastes
and just gave em away

hope you had your fun
cuz your time is done
cuz today is the day
that the rays get stunned
the empire decays
and your ways get shunned
cuz today is the day that the rays
had a son!”

and with that he revealed his epic troll –
and tossed onto the table – lil gg’s skull

and then the rays realized right there
that they had eaten son, prepared
via the burning macaroni oven bake
and they rays became to scream, vomit, and quake!
they’d been tricked, via a prophetic loophole
they’d lost their empire, they felt it in their soul
they scrambled like rats, their empire crashing –
pizza joints closing, slices going unsold, windows smashing!
the curse upon franchises was broken, and the ray’s were truly hosed!
all the pieces of my- i mean
bacchus’s plans were falling like domino’s pizza brand dominoes

now
gg grabs bacchus and slams him hard

[golden george]
you k!lled my son for some canard?
you lied to me, you used me, destroyed me

[narrator]
but bacchus shushed him, said

“don’t be so noisy

did i not promise you
to save your restaurant, and your family too?
you did as i requested
now see that son that they ingested
be resurrected!”

and with a wave of his wrist and a fl!ck of his finger
something amazing happened, a real hum-dinger
all the ray’s vomit swirled and lil g was reborn a new –
as this boy took shape around the skull and regrew –
and bacchus said –

“from death comes life and life from death
and little g is back to take his first reborn breath–”

the boy smiled, but then he sputter, he could not speak
for in his center – he was missing one, bite-sized piece

oh, no… tsk tsk tsk

the bite, the bite, the bite, the bite, that g.g. was forbidden to chew
now his son couldn’t breath, he turned blue
and i turned to gg and he turned to… me
and i just shook my head, what fools humans can be…

you couldn’t wait one single meal to take a bite
you’ve cost a deal you’ve cost a life
oh, what will you tell your wife? right?

oh what an ego on this fellow here before me
demands justice, begs for mercy
that’s one gory price for glory – gg

come arise my boy
you are not for this world
little g will come with me
and shuffle off this mortal coil

and as for you, you poor poor fool:

g.g. scrumptious your fast casual eatery shall become the greatest chain
with locations from zanzibar to key west to wintery maine!
your macaroni shall becomes more famous than the whopper or big mac
but here’s where i hit you with a cl-ssic god style smack!

your wife will leave you, inconsolable, destroyed
that you valued anything above your precious little boy
you shall have no heirs and your famous dish –
shall now be called man-caroni because each and every delish
bite will have a small sprinkling of your son on top to crisp the crust
and you can’t stop it you’ll be powerless to watch the m-sses l-st
for the mancaroni, eating your son in front of you night after night
and then you’ll become a ghost and haunt this restaurant site

but let’s not say i’m not kind in my own awesome bacchus way
they’ll be an end to your suffering eventually one strange day –
after the world becomes weird due to a bomb – don’t ask – it’s crazy
there will come 2 people to your restaurant, one stoic, one lazy
and i will allow this oven that once took a life to restore another
and when you do that good deed, i release you, scrumptious

but until that day
such is your fate
so buckle down
your son’s the chow
these people crave

pan after pan
again and again
watch them eat your kid
as you once did
’cause you couldn’t obey
’cause you’re an egotis
now enjoy the show
i really got to go –
thanks for the kicks!

hahahaha!

- podmusical lyrics

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