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podmusical - the toothsome pageant lyrics

[child, spoken]
there! rising above the hills! a city of devout faith and peroxide; home to the one tooth god, and all of its beloved
children. greetings ortho-pilgrim! have you come to serve? grab yon roll of floss from the t–thing barn and come on in!

[choir]
welcome to new molar! new molar!
welcome to new molar! new molar!

[townsfolk, spoken]
welcome neighbor! tooth bless thee!

[choir]
here the smiles are bright and wide
and the children floss with pride
here you needn’t hide your t–th from sight!
here’s a place of love and faith
a most toothsome holy place!
all are welcome in his loving bite!

welcome to new molar! new molar!
welcome to new molar! new molar! new molar!
aaaah! aaaah!
leave your idols and all earthly things
here crowns are for t–th and not for kings
a higher tooth is ours, raise your voice and sing…

[townsfolk, spoken]
well, now – don’t tell me you’ve never heard of the ur-tooth, our one tooth god? oh my oh my! well, this is great news! though we are a secret and closed society we love telling folks about
our pearly lord, and sell them tooth based merchandise from our gift shop at the mouthatorium. sign up for the tooth saver card and get a free slice of pizza at village pizza not valid on the ‘heavy dwayne’ or the ‘right in the meatb-lls’ specialty pies. sign up today! we know you will – once you hear the incredible
story of how our town was founded by the ur-tooth’s own chosen ones: brushworth sunshine and horace mcmenemin! see it with your
eyet–th – the year is 183-odd… and brothers brushworth and horace pray to the ur-tooth, asking for guidance

[horace, spoken]
behold here in the ancient days of 183-odd and i am horace mcmenemin

[brushworth, spoken]
and i am brushworth sunshine

[horace & brushworth, spoken]
praise be to t–th!

[horace & brushworth]
lo, we are but simple men who serve a higher bite
humble men called dent-tes, who need a place to spend the night

[brushworth, spoken]
yay– you villagers, may we sleep upon the floor of your poultry coop, and quietly clean and drill our t–th? we shan’t wake the chickens

[townsfolk, spoken]
no! you tooth lovers ain’t welcome here! be gone!

[brushworth, spoke]
alas! brother horace, i fear this is the last town on the eastern coast. how shall we care for our small dent-te following in the forests – lo see them there eating acorns?

[person, spoken]
i am the 30 odd families who followed the dent-te way at this time. now i eat this acorn. yum

[brushworth, spoken]
no man will shield us dent-tes and hear our pearly truth

[horace, spoken]
have no fear, brother brushworth. here, let us p-ss the time chopping down this cedar tree, the best tree wood for making toothpicks

[brushworth, spoken]
aye, brother, let’s! but – oh my! what’s that in the tree?

[horace, spoken]
brother! it’s a tooth-o-scope!

[choir]
oh holy scope
oh holy tooth-o-scope
it let him see. truly see

[horace, spoken]
look brother! a tooth-shaped star! a sign!

[brushworth & horace]
are you there tooth?
it is we tooth?
we have ur’d tooth calling in the night
if you chew us, we will serve you
and lead your people to your bite

[child, spoken]
and so they followed the star! into the wilderness of western pennsylvania they went! there they defeated the land pirate pontius pirate – in a scene we no longer re-enact because of its racist overtones. and thus they followed the tooth even wester

[brushworth and horace]
there you are tooth!
we have seen tooth!
as you shine above the western sky!
we will follow
where you lead us!
and floss and brush your name on high!
it’s westward-ho for all dent-tes!

[choir of dent-tes]
and so we wandered!
horace leading the way
and brushworth kept us happy
with his little tooth-based plays
dysentary flowed like rivers
and several died from bites of lizards
still the tooth-star shone the chosen way
and we followed the tooth star to this place

[child, spoken]
yay, they wandered, o’er hill and o’er dale, singing praises to the tooth most high in his over bite. until, while camping for the night on a serene hill overlooking the wide and bountiful
river rinsenspit and its subterranean cave system, the star gave a brilliant display of showering tooth particles and disappeared. some were fearful! some were confused! one thought she was a badger but she had this feeling for a long time and thus they set her to find others of her kind with no ill feeling. but brothers sunshine and mcmenamin were hopeful, filled as they were with the tooth. and they led their fearful dent-tes into the caves, following the river to its source. and there waiting them in the rock was the ur-tooth glowing pearly white. see it glowing to this day in the new molar mouthatorium tuesday thru sat-rday, 9am to 7pm and 9 to 4 on sundays–

[horace, spoken]
the ur-tooth! we had reached the promised land!

[choir of dent-tes]
we drank the water from the river rinsenspit!
this holy water heals the aches of our sore limbs!
we traveled through the wild, with but our faith to see us
through
and now behold the promise of our everloving tooth
aw! aw! aw! aw!
all praise the ur-tooth and his mighty, loving ways!
and bless his chosen ones who led us to this place!
let’s build town and dedicate our lives to love and faith
and celebrate the tooth for all our days!

[townsfolk, spoken]
and so we built! and the tooth watched over us, blessing our humble town in its most holy ways, letting us flourish and spread its pearly truth. and here we are today! continuing to serve the ur-tooth! the one tooth god! and that is why, every year, on toothsome day, we celebrate its awesome power and love!

[choir]
for we are scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing
scrubbing the godhead!
yes we are scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing
and
scrubbing the godhead!
scrubbing the godhead!
scrubbing the godhead!
so come if there’s a cavity you find down in your soul
the ur-tooth’s truth will fill it and his ways will make you
whole!
let the molars all ring out!
the bicuspids sing and shout!
and let us clean our heart t–th of their doubt!
and we are scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing
scrubbing the godhead!
yes we are scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing
and
scrubbing the godhead!
scrubbing the godhead!
scrubbing the godhead!

so come build a periodontal paradise – the work will set you
free!
all doubters shall burn evermore in a sea of listerine!
we must tread carefully!
so lift your t–th and sing!
and we are scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing
scrubbing the godhead!
yes we are scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing
and
scrubbing the godhead!
scrubbing the godhead!
scrubbing the godhead!

[choir, spoken]
go in t–th!
serve the t–th!
thanks be to tooth!

- podmusical lyrics

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