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ponsbey - kaycie johnson lyrics

i don’t know which hurts the worst
the memories we could’ve made, or what we made first
i never understood why you chose to leave this earth
this pain ain’t a prison it’s a god d+mn curse

my heart burns, it f+cking hurts to think of you
writhing in the midnight, yeah this isn’t anything new to me
feels like death is the only way to set me free
these demons won’t ever leave me be

scars on my hands they won’t ever wash away
blood stains on my nails they’re here to stay
fall to my knees, i start to pray
i start to spray these lines i made in my mind
f+ck myself just focus on the lines

they’re white like my paper
sober starts to waver
even if it was impossible, i still wish i could’ve saved her

but now she’s dead and i’m here alone
every night hearing my mother’s breakdown on the phone

it’s been 3 years, 7 months, 12 days since you met your fate
i hate to blame you bet you left me in this f+cking state
(i’m) always so depressed i’m sure you could relate

can’t get this demon out from inside of me
i’m f+cked in the mind no sodomy
this world wasn’t built for longevity
never forget those last words you said to me
hope heavens got some room for me

cause way things are looking i’ll be joining you soon
sometimes i think i see you sitting in my room
but then i glance back and you’re still no where in sight
too dark so i run to (the) switch, flip on the light

nothing there, just my demons here reminding me
that they’re their, and there’s no escaping for me
i wish you would’ve also taken me
i wish that when i died you’d me buried right next to me

been acting like i’m okay but i can’t fake no more
scared of the future cause i don’t know what’s in store
stuck between so much love and hate i feel so torn
i’ve been getting so f+cked my mind is like some p+rn
20 blue pills is gonna be the end for me
mama, i’m so sorry i hope you’re not listening
i gave this life my all, but it isn’t any worth finishing
i hope you find some solace in these songs that i sing

i hope that you take this insurance and move away
find a two bedroom house in florida to stay
forget about me enjoy a life on the coast
same coast we spread kaycie’s ashes on the boat

leave me in our old place i never liked it anywhere else
i hope that dad can finally get you some help
spread mental health awareness in my name
so i can finally have an impact and make some change

- ponsbey lyrics

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