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pridaval - where the hell have i been? lyrics

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you’ll find me… within the stars above… you’ll find me free… like a dove… you’ll find me home…

i’ve been hiding a lot from the people i love, maybe it’s my own insecurities or maybe it’s the fact i have no one

who really knows me beyond my art, or the guise i try to project

because the truth is since the day i was eight i’ve locked my emotions in my own head

because they’re destructive…the last thing i want is for the people i love to get hurt

but the more i try to prevent something from happening the more it snowb#lls, it gets worse

and i’ll tell ya i’ve learnt, to enjoy eating dirt, but i can’t escape the hurt the follows me like a shadow

maybe that’s why i’m always bumping shady, so that i can escape me, and what i really mean is i can barely look myself in the eyes

because i realise i hide behind a shroud of lies! i claim i’m a christian, but let’s dissect the name pridaval

pride’s a deadly sin that’s gonna lead me to h#ll! and that’s the truth i’m too hypocritical to face

because i never had more than a slither of fame and that’s the exact thing i’m attempting to chase!

all i’m ever going to do is let you down so ladies and gentlemen, it’s probably best to leave now, where the h#ll have i been?

i’ve been hiding from the rap scene. i’m not the person to lead, i’m not the person i claim to be, i throw shade but really it’s a self projection on me

truth be told i don’t have the ability to distinguish between friend or foe, that’s why i’m cool with my enemies and trash on my bros

if it’s being real you want? i gotta answer with a hard no. we merged, and now i’m facing snowballed hurt

because people i love forget about our past and leave me behind and truth be told after september 2017 i’ve lost the ability to cry

i’ve built my life upon lying, i haven’t been myself for over a d#mn decade, i’ve let my heart be consumed with hate and i’ve never even saw light at the end of any d#mn passageway

i am clinically insane, that’s the reason for the pain, something inside is f#cked up with my brain

i can’t move up so i stay the same, i just want a hug and an ease to the pain. i’m lonely, there i admit it, i try relationships but end up breaking them off like good riddance

and i’m convinced man, it’s a problem on my end, it gotta been, there’s no other explanation for this aggravation

put upon my consciousness, i’ve been the black sheep all my life, stuck out, from the norm, like a knife, stuck in, my brain since i was born

i guess i never full developed, like the sk!ll of living life and maybe i’m h#ll bent, or maybe i’m selfish!

maybe i’m a bigger toll on my family and friends! maybe the choices i’ve made to hide who i really am hurt them in my conquest to suppress

these feelings, this mindset, this chip on my shoulder, this point to prove, that’s why i don’t spend time to write tracks that mean something because i can’t reach down to that point anymore

because i don’t wanna look myself in the eye and part of me doesn’t want to find out who i really am…

because maybe i’m worse, maybe i tear apart everyone i love and leave them in the dirt and bury them and insert myself above their grave just so a couple more people can know my name

stepping on anyone who takes the time to make my day… so i pray… that will end and maybe i can just rest…

without all the guilt eating away at my chest… i’m sorry i let you guys down… i think it’s better if i just go… i’m sorry….

- pridaval lyrics

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