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professor elemental - the replacement lyrics

[well, its been a while, hasn’t it?]

back when i was an english gent
too far to ever mention
rebel without applause
starts an indifference engine
stop for more tea
recharge my ascension
invited everybody to the father of invention
the party carried on
through the giddy limit
comics, teas, cartoons and games
and several silly gimmicks
but wait, hang on a minute
someone’s no longer in it
my dinner’s on a silver tray
with no one here to bring it
now where the h+ll is geoffery
let’s rewind it back
oh yes, he disappeared
if i could find that secret track
at the end of album four
he vanished like a magic trick
took my time travel trousers
and i’m sad but as it is
i have no time to find his silly face
i’m busy and impatient
it looks like geoff’s gone
time to find a new replacement
how hard can it be to be my butler every day?
it’s not like i ever needed that ape anyway
[right then, well… i suppose i better place an ad in the times
“wanted: new butler, role ideal for enthusiastic animal who doesn’t mind wearing clothes”]

well at first i tried a python
but he slipped right out the uniform
my lovely horse was rubbish
and i couldn’t find a unicorn
the brown bear looked so fetching
and in a suit he looked so suitable
but he mauled the postman brutally
and i couldn’t find a moose at all
i settled for a fawn
but they make awful butlers
he hid when i called and left hoof prints in the b+tter
the pelican was silly
as pathetic as the rabbit
and the hedgehogs stupid spikes ruined every single jacket
had a bumblebee
squashed him
had an ant
lost him
tried some foreign help
a koala and a possum
so often drifted off to the image of my geoff
beaming in soft focus, his orange hair a mess
i can’t leave the silly sod in sp+ce
like lost property
besides he’s the only one who make a proper cup of tea
chuck the other beasts away
or prepare them in my kitchen
cause this time it’s time to travel time
to find where geoff is missing!

- professor elemental lyrics

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