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psyche the wordsmith - closure pt. 1 lyrics

i’ve been out of my mind like so many times, it’s becoming harder to fly
i’m not even gon lie cause i know i’ve done that just to erase the pain, just to tell myself everything is okay when it’s not
how you go from a name to an unsaved number but you text him everyday now it all makes me wonder:
when you saved, do you get the least amount of love?
when you not, does that place you at the top above everyone else, including myself?
yes i know we love each other, but this issue doesn’t help and you use him as an alibi, tell him that i’m not a guy, instead i’m labeled as a female. tell me the reason why!
i admit it, i admit it yeah i know i did it
broke your heart and really split it
none of that will make a difference cause it’s all a blast in the past, i can’t even finish what i started with you
every time i’m with you, i think about that i put you through all the mess that i did
calling you just to pray, afterwards i’m sharing my kids
that ain’t nothing but hypocrisy
training myself to fall asleep
let the devil take the wheel so god will admonish me
and put me on the safetrac
cause i’m sick and tired of this baggage
caught up in the same trap
it’s like i’m not up for the challenge
and i can’t even lay back
relax and calm down with some balance
fall on my face flat
that’s how you know i really felt the damage
and i’m about to keep it real with you
let you in on some stuff that i deal with too
like the fact that i’m so self conscious
or sometimes when i rap comes out nonsense
working at the slave port
get money i slaved for
and this woman told me that i’m the smartest one there
but to me, i’m just another n-gga living in fear
hoping that this dolla and a dream gets me way outta here
cause i know my worth
but i feel as if i don’t deserve, none of it
no blessings, no lessons, no grace, no mercy, no time, no gifts, no spirits to hurt me
and i don’t call myself a christian. there’s so many days i’m losing my religion
and i know i believe in god, but sometimes i feel so odd when me and him don’t have the same vision
and i know you out there, you feeling the same thinking that it’s all a test, and you still in the game. and you ain’t got nowhere to go even when you in church. all these people lettin you down, the feeling’s absurd and you using all your faith as a positive frame
read the bible use the verses just to stop all the shame but it seems like the devil keeps spitting a flame just to keep you down forever so the feeling is pain and gain or give and take you know stakes are high when you cannot relate, to the ones that catch the holy spirit
now you lookin and you wonder if they really near it or if they just faking to grab all of this attention
i don’t mean no disrespect, i just see collision
between all the youth and the supervision
and that saddens me, like the fact that i can’t get over rapsody
but enough about my feelings
i’m just here as a messenger tryna bring out the best in ya
and that’s all i gotta say
so all i gotta do is stop and pray

- psyche the wordsmith lyrics

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