pw musical productions - it's gotta be the butz! lyrics
the judge [spoken]:
witness, please state your name and occupation
larry butz:
larry butz! …uh, ladies’ man
manfred von karma:
this is a colossal waste of time
judge:
mr. butz, please begin your testimony
larry:
you got it, pops!
[sung]
well, i was hangin’ out with my girlfriend ruth
in my mansion with a golden picket fence…
judge:
sir, must i remind you now to please tell the truth?
because perjury’s a criminal offense…
larry [spoken]:
whew! uh, sorry, let me try that again…
judge:
alright…
[sung]
see, i was all alone, ’cause i’d just been dumped
and i know that isn’t easy to believe!
judge:
[cough cough]
larry:
i hit the lake so i could look for some junk
which had also lеft me on that christmas eve!
but as i brought that boat back into the shop
i hеard a gun fire with a noisy pop!
and i know you don’t think my opinion counts for a whole lot
but let me guarantee you that i heard that shot!
that’s how it all happened, i recall it clear as day
so believe it—even if you think i’m nuts!
phoenix wright [spoken]:
eh, his testimony’s vague…
maya fey [sung]:
and you know just what they say: “when something smells…”
phoenix [spoken]:
“…it’s usually the butz.”
von karma:
this witness is contributing nothing. i suggest he be dismissed…and ideally, drawn and quartered
phoenix:
hold it! larry, there is one thing that sounds out of place in your testimony…
larry:
and what’s that, nick?
phoenix:
well, you say you heard a gunshot. but yesterday, ms. lotta hart testified, and i quote: “y’all listen good now! i heard two dang gunshots that night!”
larry:
…nick, you said “ms.” and not “mrs.”, right? because if she’s available++
phoenix:
la…larry, come on. please stay focused and explain why you didn’t hear the second gunshot
larry [sung]:
truth is that i was listenin’ on my headphones
because radio’s the friend that’s always there!
i like to jam out when i’m feeling alone
so i may have missed a shot that filled the air
but i remember that one ‘bang’ that i heard
the dj was talking when it occurred…
so i know it wasn’t something like a k!ller drumming riff
but let me guarantee you that i was scared stiff!
when the dj had talked, there was hardly any noise
so i listened in awe of her really s+xy voice
it was pure, and demure, yet mature and so refined
i can’t get that lovely voice out of my mind!
that’s how it all happened, i recall it plain as ink
and to get up here, it took a lot of guts! hah!
phoenix:
this guy should see a shrink, ’cause his testimony stinks!
and when something smells, it’s probably the butz!
von karma:
i can’t stand to listen to this lad
this young man has nothing new to add
phoenix:
larry, there’s just one thing i should know:
when you listened to the radio
in regards to the dj, what exactly did she say on that show?
do you know?
larry [spoken]:
i…i remember! she said, “hey…it’s almost christmas!”
judge:
…well, mr. wright, anything to add?
phoenix:
i, um…er…
von karma:
as compelling as your argument is, i demand the witness end this pointless charade! now!
judge:
oh, very well. mr. larry butz, you are now dismissed—
phoenix:
objection! your honor, please! i just found out how this testimony changes everything!
[sung]
if you recall, ms. lotta’s camera went off
at twelve+fifteen, december twenty+fifth—
(judge [spoken]: yes, yes)
and though the witness is incompetent and frankly quite a dope (larry [spoken]: hey!)
i know his shaky testimony’s not a myth!
(larry [spoken]: nick, come on buddy!)
and though we’ve all assumed the gun fired twice
in fact, the murder weapon fired thrice!
one was fired christmas eve, the others, christmas day
and these three photos ill+strate my repartee!
[spoken]
see? one from when the camera went off at 11:50 pm – “almost christmas” – and two more at 12:15! the camera caught three snapshots for three gunshots, and larry’s testimony proves it!
judge:
why, you’re absolutely right! no objections, mr. von karma?
von karma:
[groans impatiently]
judge:
very well, then
phoenix:
the question is, what happened in this twenty+five minute gap!?!
judge:
indeed…we shall look into this matter, and finish the trial tomorrow. mr. butz, your final thoughts?
[simultaneous 1:]
larry [sung]:
wow, nick, that’s quite a trick! it shocked even me!
it’s impressive how you managed to survive!
i think that you could even get edgey free
or at worst, just imprisonment for life!
[simultaneous 2:]
von karma/edgeworth:
get that man off the stand, he’s a sham and a disgrace!
what a crime, wasting time for a prosecuting ace!
every word is absurd, it’s unheard of and a sin
for this fool to fill the court with such chagrin!
[end simultaneous]
larry:
that’s how it all happened and that’s all i’ve gots to say!
i recall it just like it was yesterday! (phoenix [spoken]: it was tuesday!)
and so i saved the day, even though i’m just a klutz…
phoenix/judge/maya/crowd:
when something smells, it’s gotta be…
von karma:
that man needs a lobotomy
phoenix/judge/maya/crowd:
when something smells it’s gotta be the butz!
larry:
that’s right! it’s gotta be the buuuuuuutz!! ahhh+cha!!
von karma: [spoken]
get him out of here!!
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