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qixote - march 23rd, 2010 lyrics

[verse 1]
(eyes closed breath lingers somewhere far)
serpents will emerge from the embers when
birds chirp in december; buyers flirt with vendors
dyers circle the splendor of death
(eyes open dwindling gasps right here)
white mice will submerge into water when
i fight disembodiment; workers aren’t deported
torturous nights are shorter than steps
i know it isn’t right to be thinking about you, but i cannot help it
sure, we’re eye to eye, but i still fight nightly dreams about you
something i can’t help, it’s hereditary
i told my children i am not a man
who justifies the terrible he does
i understand i made a big commitment to another woman
other women think i think of other women
can’t you see? i’m struggling
i’m in love, but i fell in love again
i was down, and you picked me up—
flower dead, you made me bud again
one night won’t abduct our spirits
my dearest couldn’t hear us if we screamed in agony
so please, won’t you break the aqueduct
give your body clearance to dance with me?

[hook]
i am not a man
who justifies the terrible he does
i understand how indulgent
the rest of me has been
but i promise, son, with every ounce of soul
in this heart i must hold
that you will eat yourself so slow
hunger will vanquish, and then she will come
to you on a silver platter. her thighs
are so smooth, like the liquor in your
lungs. you’re in a different country, hijo
with a coworker you’ve never met. and besides
there’s nothing a napkin can’t clean

[verse 2]
f-ck the fluff when it comes
like hail and sleet and bed and sheets
will fly like insects full of merries and loves (eat)
hug the hard so it leaves
like fall and rise and post and canopies
cover the heads of my sorrows and hates (starve)
i, when i’m with you, wonder what the h-ll h-ll is
if such a place could even exist
self-detrimental, existential helplessness dispels in your presence
what you mean accidental/coincidental? our creator meant this
won’t you please let me please you? i’ll be your rental long as you don’t dent this
my family demanded i change my phone number
but never mind it. too many never minds makes a person mental
long as they don’t know what hurts them;
long as they don’t show their hurt, then;
long as i’m at work and in a different universe, then;
we can spend the evening under bedding sweating, breathing
telling secrets, dreading demons till they catch us sleeping

[hook]
your father’s preaching pedestal is the driver’s seat
he rests his hands on the podium and opens his mouth
“if you’re going to cheat,” he tells you, “don’t do it in this town. she’ll catch you.”
you laugh (why do you laugh), his heavy words packed into one rough brick which skims the top of your scalp, tearing follicles from roots, skin from flesh. “te quiero mucho,” you say, pulling on the door handle, stepping from the car into the air, crisp on your cheeks like dried tears, and pulling your hood over your head. in your head, you ask him, “is that why you were a flight attendant?”
“no,” he tells you, “i love your mother.”
indeed, he lies there too

[outro]
you can have my soul
you can make me whole
when i’m with you, i forget
when i’m with you, i forgive

- qixote lyrics

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