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r4zorblade - unreal lyrics

i throw my fist on the wall
to k!ll this numbness of mine
it’s better than feeling nothing at all
the void between the body and the mind

the time is static somehow
but the clocks are functioning right
desynchronised and somehow
the outside perspective looks alright
alright…

i have this thing with faith
that leaves me with a good and bad taste
an uncomfortable dichotomy
and i have been through these thoughts
that i must rely partly on trust
fragile necessity

i’m navigating through the fog
on the sea toward “unknown city”
my path goes against the flow
as i stare the horizon indiffеrently
indifferently…indiffеrently

i have this thing with faith
that leaves me with a good and bad taste
uncomfortable dichotomy
and i have been through these thoughts
that i must rely partly on trust
fragile necessity
the future full of uncertainties
i’m unsatisfied with probabilities
the future full of uncertainties

a falling quest for security
an existence without warranty
the future full of uncertainties

as i try to generate meaning
can help myself but to think
that i’m just self+deceiving (over awareness is paralyzing)

and nihilism ain’t comforting
so i must go on searching
a better heuristic framework to think

monologue (excerpt from the book “feeling unreal”):

ron 32 “[…] trapped within the confines of his mind, he’s too aware of every thought passing through it, as if he were outside, looking in. at night he often lies awake ruminating endlessly about what’s wrong with him, about death, and about the meaning of existence itself. at times his arms and his legs feel like they don’t belong with his body. but most of the time, his mind feels like it is operating apart from the body that contains it

while he can interact with others who have no idea that anything is wrong, ron lives without spontaneity, going through the motions, doing what he thinks people expect him to do, glad that he is able to at least appear normal throughout the day and maintain a job. he studied drama briefly while in college, and remains enamoured of shakespeare and literature, but an emerging self+consciousness robbed him of his ability to act. now he feels as if all of his life is an act+ just an attempt to maintain the status quo.”

- r4zorblade lyrics

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