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rachel bloom - greg's drinking song lyrics

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[greg]
gather ye ’round
and i’ll tell you a tale
of all the great times
i’ve had with an ale
there’s joy and there’s glory
more than you can think
yes this is what happens to me
when i drink!

i pee my pants!
my pants!
i pee my pants!
i get up from the bar
to find pee on my pants!
i say it’s water
but all it takes is a glance
for people to realize
i peed my pants!

[white josh]
wow, i did not know it was that bad

[greg]
yes wine can be fun
white, rosé and red
’till i call up my boss
to say i wish he was dead!

chase down the regret
with some gin for good luck!
then steal my cousin jim’s
landscaping truck!

drive home then
i puke on my cat!
my cat!
i puke on my cat!
i fall through the doorway
and puke on my cat!
poor little bruno
did not expect that!
i tried for the toilet
but puke on my cat!

while some can enjoy
a scotch with a steak
or one gl-ss of wine
then they’re barely awake
for me it’s much different
what happens when
i try to have one
it just turns into ten
and then…

i fly a plane!
a plane!
i fly a plane!
i knock on the c-ckpit
shouting
“i’ll fly this plane!”
we emergency landed
the tsa came
now i’m banned from southwest
cause i try to fly planes!

everybody!

[all men, except greg]
he has s-x with a bush!
a bush!
he has s-x with a bush!

[greg]
that wasn’t a woman?

[all men, except greg]
no it was a bush!
it had twigs and leaves
cause it was a bush!

[greg]
that’s where that scar comes from!

[all men, except greg]
from s-xing a bush!

but he’s breaking the cycle
and making a push!
he’s quitting his drinking
and saving his
pants and his
cat and
southwest and
jim’s truck

[hector]
and my car

[white josh]
my car too!

[all men]
and a bush!

- rachel bloom lyrics

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