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randall munroe - every major's terrible lyrics

philosophy’s just math sans rigor, sense, and practicality
and math’s just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality
a business major’s just a thing you get so you can graduate
and chemistry’s for stamp collectors high on methyl acetate
why anyone who wants a job would study lit’s a mystery
unless their only other choice were something like art history
a ba in communications guarantees that you’ll achieve
a little less than if you learned to underwater basket-weave
i’d rather eat a fowler’s toad than major in biology
and social psych is worse than either pysch or sociology
the thought of picking any one of these is too unbearable
just put me down as “undecided” – every major’s terrible
now, if you can’t prognosticate that’s okay in seismology
but if your hindsight’s weak as well, you’d best stick to theology
cs will make each day a quest to find a missing close-paren
virology will guarantee you’ll never get a hug again
i.t. prepares you for a life of fighting with pc’s nonstop
as pratchett said, “geography’s just physics slowed with trees on top”
though physics seems to promise you a richard feynman-like career
the wiki page for “physics major” redirects to engineer
they say study history or find yourself repeating it
but all that it prepares you for is forty years of teaching it
i recognize my four-year plan’s at this point not repairable
but put me down as “undecided” – every major’s terrible
astronomers all cringe when they hear “supermoon” or “zodiac”
agronomy’s a no-go; i’m a huge agoraphobiac
i’m too ophiophobic to consider herpetology
and i can’t stomach any part of gastroenterology
while pre-med gives you twitchy-eyed obsession with your gpa
a poetry degree bespeaks bewildering naïveté
tv’s behind the rush into forensic criminology
(or so claims meta-academic epidemiology)
by dubbing econ “dismal science” adherents exaggerate;
the “dismal’s” fine – it’s “science” where they patently prevaricate
in terms of choices, i’d say sophie’s was comparable
just put me down as “undecided” – every major’s terrible!

- randall munroe lyrics

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