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random encounters entertainment - how to beat a monkey at chess: the musical lyrics

[markiplier]
this piece takes that piece, but that piece then takes mine…
i can’t lose my rook while i’m lagging way behind!
i’ll play safe and wait for an opportunity…
i won’t let that cheeky monkey make a monkey out of me!

[markiplier] -spoken-
you gotta be kidding me

[matpat] -spoken-
hey, mark! what you up to?

[markiplier] -spoken-
i’m uh-

[matpat] -spoken-
chess with a monkey, huh?

[markiplier] -spoken-
yeah

[matpat] -spoken-
need any help?

[markiplier]-spoken-
i think i can beat, one little monkey
how much time you got?

[matpat] -spoken-
well, lucky for you, your old pal matpat just so happened to be the captain of his high school chess team
they used to call me the p-wn-star

[markiplier] -spoken-
uh…

[matpat] -spoken-
yep

[matpat]
wait, mark! don’t take it! that monkey’s set a trap!

[markiplier]
he wants me to take it?

[matpat]
he thinks you’re quite a sap
but check out this bishop! you’ll take his piece for free!

[markiplier]
and that monkey’s got no chance to make a monkey out of me!

[markiplier] -spoken-
smartest show in gaming, huh?

[matpat] -spoken-
hey! it was just a theory

[the completionist]-spoken-
alright kids, playtime is over!

[matpat] -spoken-
is that the completionist?

[the completionist] -spoken-
in the beard!

[markiplier] -spoken-
look guys, i think i got this, okay?

[the completionist] -spoken-
you do now

[the completionist]
let’s set a gambit! we’ll take him by surprise…

[matpat]
not really an option…

[markiplier]
he took, like, half my guys…

[the completionist]
let’s bring in the big guns and force his king to flee-

[markiplier]
-so that monkey doesn’t further make a monkey out of me!

[the completionist] -spoken-
welp. that’s all i got

[matpat] -spoken-
what?!

[markiplier] -spoken-
but you’re the completionist

[the completionist] -spoken-
yeah, and i’m completely lousy at chess

[matpat] -spoken-
maybe we should just let the monkey win

[markiplier] -spoken-
no, that’s okay, i appreciate it
but i really, truly, do not need anyone’s help

[aj] -spoken-
help?! did somebody need help?

[matpat] -spoken-
who is that?

[aj] -spoken-
hey j. i’m aj-

[markiplier] -spoken-
no-one important

[aj] -spoken-
oh sweet, is that a monkey?

[the completionist] -spoken-
no, it’s a hairy octopus

[aj] -spoken-
oh you guys, i can translate!
i’m fluent in monkey!

[matpat] -spoken-
okay, i’m pretty sure that’s impossible

[markiplier] -spoken-
no no, you know what? sure. fine. why don’t we try it?
go ahead

[aj]
(monkey noises) h-llo a monkey! i talk in language well. are playing a chess you? your sk!ll is very swell. my win wants to friend you, so loser will you be!

[matpat] -spoken-
i’m pretty sure it’s our turn

[markiplier] -spoken-
look, gentlemen. we’re here gathered today as representatives of humanity, against a monkey
how long have we been oppressed?

[matpat] -spoken-
two minutes, forty-one seconds?

[markiplier] -spoken-
no more. no longer, we’ve been under the monkey’s thumb for too long. we can beat this monkey. for our fathers. for our forefathers. for your beard. for his not-beard. for whatever you’re name is. a billion monkeys at a typewriter might be able to write shakespeare but one monkey will not beat us today. i may ramble and not know what i’m talking about all the time, but we can win. together as one

[all] -spoken-
yeah!!!

[matpat]
one of these pieces…

[aj]
…has got to do the trick…

[the completionist]
but how can we beat him?

[markiplier]
i’d recommend a stick…

[aj]
it’s crazy…

[matpat]
bananas-

[the completionist]
insane!

[markiplier]
completely nuts…!

[the completionist]
-but i think we made a monkey out of-

[matpat]
-completely made a monkey out of-

[aj]
we finally didn’t let a monkey

[all]
make a monkey out of us!

[markiplier] -spoken-
checkmate!

[all] -spoken-
yeah!

[markiplier] -spoken-
sore loser

[ryan] -spoken-
wow! chess seems pretty intense

[daniel] -spoken-
no kidding
what?!
three in a row?

[ryan] -spoken-
son of a-

[brightly the dog]
(whimper)

[ryan] -spoken-
i was… gonna say gun

[daniel] -spoken-
okay, you know what?
let’s try this again
best out of twelve

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