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random encounters entertainment - resident enis (video version) lyrics

enis:
chapter 54, page 105
create a h-llhound antidote and keep your victim alive
it says to cover one eyeball, and the other one, too

dodger:
what for?

enis:
that’s what the book says to do!

we’ll need a pile of raisins and a magical word
i like to use the term, ‘linguine!’ ’cause it’s pretty absurd
and once we’ve found ourselves some raisins, pour them into a shoe
then fl!ck your ear; that’s what the book said to do

we have to iron a cactus, stick a bee in your nose
and then we’ll eat a plate of flapjacks, draw some faces on toes
we’ll all hold hands until they’re sweaty, we’ll pretend we can fly
and if we don’t…we’ll die!

[spoken]
…i made that part up

here, hold this!

mark [spoken]:
it looks diseased…

enis [sung]:
now you take a creepy baby doll and shake it all around
then you shriek like a weasel while you flail on the ground
and once you’ve done that for two hours, throw that baby down the stairs
then we’ll hit each other with metal chairs

mark [spoken]:
what? oof!

dodger:
i’m having second guesses ’bout this spellcasting stuff

mark:
okay, i found a couple tutus–

enis:
that’s not nearly enough!
next we’ll scatter someone’s ashes as we throw a parade
and then we’ll sit and have a séance while we’re playing old maid

wear a big hat! drink from this jar!

mark, dodger:
none of this song makes sense so far…

enis [spoken]:
i hope i have some chickens left!

mark:
i dunno what he’s up to, but it’s certainly weird

dodger:
he keeps asking for toenails–

mark:
–and a leprechaun beard!

dodger:
i don’t think we should trust him, he’s completely insane

mark:
and all the nonsense we’re doing seems expressly inane!

dodger:
oh, we should totally k!ll him!

mark:
yeah, it seems like you’re right

dodger:
i mean, he looks pretty puny

mark:
won’t be much of a fight

dodger:
we can sneak up behind him–

mark:
–drive a stake through his heart!

dodger:
do your worst!

mark:
ladies first!

mark, dodger:
if you won’t impale him, then enis will start a new verse!

[instrumental]

dodger [spoken]:
i might cut his head off

mark [spoken]:
he’s a vampire; it won’t necessarily k!ll him…

dodger [spoken]:
it’ll definitely make playing the kazoo a lot harder!

enis:
we gotta whittle a pickle, eat some parmesan cheese
and then we’ll all watch a movie (oh no, not the bees!)
and next we take out the garbage, summon h-llbeasts from sp-ce
and then when the portal closes, pull his sleeve up to expose his wounded arm
and kiss your friend’s dead face!

mark {spoken]:
what?

enis:
kiss his face…

mark [spoken]:
no! that’s disgusting!

enis [spoken]:
it’s what the book says to do…

mark [spoken]:
we did like 5,000 things from the book, okay?

dodger [spoken]:
okay, could we, like, eat part of him?

mark [spoken]:
no! augh!

dodger [spoken]:
i’m just trying to help

mark [spoken]:
okay. ugh…

dodger [spoken]:
i ship it

mark [spoken]:
he’s still dead!

enis [spoken]:
are you sure he’s not just sleeping?

mark [spoken]:
you have five seconds to fix this

enis [spoken]:
oh, wait, wait, wait! i was reading the spell…backwards!
okay everyone… one more time…in reverse!

[sung]
let’s expel our sp-cebound h-llbeasts, then we’ll take out the trash
we’ll watch a fl!ck and eat some cheese and cut a pickle and dash
inside to play kazoo and wear a hat, use metal chairs like baseball bats
and flail and fly and paint all your toes
we’ll eat some flapjacks and stick bees in your no– uh, nevermind
we’ll grab a shoe to fill with snacks and fl!ck your ear with sneak attacks and scream “linguine!” to the max
so here it goes!

mark [spoken]:
…he’s still dead

- random encounters entertainment lyrics

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