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randy prozac - crossing the river of popsicle sticks lyrics

when they woke it was still night, even though it should have been day
they continued their ascent towards the burning light
as they climbed, johnny could see the light growing brighter
they crept along ledges where one mistep would mean their demise, falling in chasms below
walking through steaming pale sickly mud
which released the disgusting odor of disease with each step they took
they finally arrived at the bank of thе river… a river that seemed madе from an entire city’s vomit
their only forward path was across the river, but they had no means to reach the other side
“here, we must bind these popsicle sticks into a raft
we also need some coins for good luck. do you have any coins?”
“i only have chuck e. cheese tokens, mister… will they be good enough?”
“yes, they will be good enough… now, we must place the chuck e. cheese tokens into our mouths
go and fetch the largest, strongest branch you can find, while i construct our vessel”
“ok, mister… but i’m scared, and the smell here is so strong i think i am going to pass away”
“you won’t pass away! not ever! don’t be silly… this is our atonement!
you only recognize the popsicle, but not the popsicle bearer
the generating popsicle of life is shining down upon our popsicle sticks
even in this place! there are rivers which hinder the popsicle of the soul
and this may be one of them, but defeat we will not accept
not when mr. noodles is waiting for us atop the mount
but before we can ascend the mount, we must prove ourselves worthy
he continued building the raft of popsicle sticks with renewed vigor
johnny, too, felt a vital surge of regenerative power coursing through his entirety
he began walking along the rotting bank searching for the most proper branch
as he walked he noticed strange forms moving within the shadows…
shapes appeared as eyes within eyes
when he approached one of the eyes, its eye opened its eye
johnny could hear the eye inside his mind speaking riddles
it asked him did he understand he was misled by false interpretations that he was not intended to understand
but that he should imagine he understands although he does not understand what he does not understand
johnny did not understand that he did not understand what he did not understand
but he thanked the eye for its arcane wisdom and asked where he might find a proper branch
the eye stared at him intensely for many minutes but did not speak ever again
johnny shrugged and walked some more… he found branches here and there, all of them weak, all of them flimsy
he was about to abandon his search, when something was seen out the corner of his eye
a proud worthy branch stood erected in the mud like an obelisk… it stood at an angle that mocked the heavens
he picked it up and struck the river with the branch, the river turned blood red, he knew this was the one
satisfied he had accomplished his task, he returned to the raft, branch in hand and a trickle of blood
“gosh, johnny, looks like you cut your thumb! you made covenant with the strongest branch, another good job!
but don’t worry, just place that thumb against your neck and drag it from one side to the other”
johnny did as he was instructed, the streak of blood left made it appear as if his throat was cut ear to ear
“that’s better… now, you have your very own point within a circle…
you deserve a jolly rancher!
but now you’ll have to wear a blindfold so put this one on
do you have the coin in your mouth? ok, here we come, mr. noodles!”
they launched the raft made of popsicle sticks with a mighty push against the rotten bank
together, they navigated the river in complete darkness, a barely perceived corona glowed from their heads
each new push of the proper branch was like stirring a cauldron filled with hospital waste
the sound of bowels and gasses releasing was constant and horrible, and the stench was blinding
johnny leaned over the side of the popsicle raft and threw up all the f+dg+sicles he ate earlier
“making room for more? hehe! as below, coming back up! don’t worry… we’re almost there
mr. noodles can probably hear us by now, his little legs will be dancing! oh, poor mr. noodles!
he’ll be jumping and jumping so high that there will be moments where we make direct sustained eye contact
and in that perfect moment we will be eye to eye together, at the same height in a moment of infinity”
johnny heard what he was saying, but his words were in slow motion and sounded backwards
and just as they reached the adjacent riverbank, johnny lost consciousness and fell into an even deeper darkness

- randy prozac lyrics

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