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ray stevens - juanita & the kids lyrics

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i got a letter from the irs
inviting me to be their guest

at an audit they were conducting just for me

they said no need to worry, probably nothing wrong

just bring your wife and your children along

we just need to clear up a small technicality

now the only problem with an audit is

my wife juanita and our 14 kids

friends you cannot believe the refunds they have been
worth

but it was years ago that i got this idea

when i bought juanita thru the mail from korea

she’s an inflatable doll, but she came with a
certificate of birth

i was a single guy without any deductions

so i claimed juanita and what a reduction

i received with her as my spouse on the taxes i pay

that worked so well that every year after that

i reported a birth when i paid my tax

each kid certified by cabbage patch usa
chorus:

oh juanita (juanita)

my inflatable senorita

the irs wants to take you and the children away (away-
ay-ay-ay)

you and jim and tammy, lonnie and burt

farrah, charro, michael and kurt

jan and dean, irlene, louise, barbara and little ray
(little ray)

so i dressed juanita like the perfect mother

velcro’d the children to one another

and when we walked into that audit those people nearly
flipped their lids

i said juanita might lay around and never cook

and the children don’t clean their rooms and never
crack a book

but hey they ain’t no different from my brother’s wife
and kids

and i got social security cards here for every one

my wife, my daughters and all of my sons

all offically issued by the government of the usa

so before you call me down to muster

somebody here better think twice buster

do you really wanna be the one to accuse the

government of making a big mistake
chorus:

oh juanita (juanita)

my c-oh-2 senorita

the irs wants to take you and the children away (away-
ay-ay-ay)

you and jim and tammy, lonnie and burt

farrah, charro, michael and kurt

jan and dean, irlene, louise, barbara and little ray
(little ray)
bridge:

that agent sat there his mouth agape

thinking over that government mistake

and how his civil service career could be at its end

and then he reached for his stamp that said approved

and said hope the kids do better next year and school

and why don’t you and the missus drop by and say h-llo
now and then
chorus:

oh juanita (juanita)

my inflatable senorita

looks like you and the kids all get to stay (stay-ay-
ay-ay)

what’s that honey, you need to get home quick?

you say you started feelin’ a little sick?

and you think you might once again be in a family way?

what’s that?
you think it might be triplets this time?

juanita, you are a wonder!

do what?
why, of course we can support your mother!

i even think her moving expenses are deductible too.

does she still live in bangkok?

- ray stevens lyrics

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