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replicator (of futurology) - absence lyrics

[intro]
our thoughts are slow, i don’t know what to do
[?] trapped and so are you
oh my feet are warm, my heart has caught the flu
must have picked it up between the [?]

[chorus]
don’t go, just stay
i’ll hide my rusty mind away
you won’t see it

don’t go, just stay
i’ll hide my rusty mind away
you won’t see it

[verse 1]
i’m so terrified of change
i’m willing to stop my own life from moving forward just to get respite from the pain
so scared of further losses
i’ll slam this door and double lock it
‘cause i never want to lift another coffin
to be honest, as much as you can learn from experience
it doesn’t hide the fact that wounds always need treatment
and mine are wide open, sometimes i feel like i’m bleeding out
and yet i don’t scream and shout
i just sit on this couch, loopin’ a beat
and venting frustrations onto the paper
mortgage my sanity to the next album i’m making
but nothing
about this [?] was glamorous
rather it’s haphazardous and sometimes even dangerous
i’ve dragged a knife across my wrist on more than one occasion
and i wish that i could say i’m glad to make that confession
but to this day
i couldn’t tell you if it’s a blessing or a regret
i guess that it would depend
on where that journey ends
if we could meet on the other side, i’d be there in a heartbeat
but i’m unsure, halfhearted and all it’s done is scarred me
i’d tell you that i missed you and i wish that i visited
instead of being self-involved and ignorant of my privilege
i’d sit and listen to you tell me stories about our history
‘cause recently, it’s felt like my own past is a mystery
i’m so viscerally aware of your absence everyday
which is strange ‘cause when you were here, i was absent anyway
i’m desperate to know where your energy went when you left
this life’s full of questions, does the answer lie in death?
what was it like in the end? terror or liberation?
loneliness or connection? did it defy all explanation?
my thinking on this subject hasn’t changed since i was a child
and my dearest memory of you was always your smile
and how it continued to grow deeper as time took its toll
and spoke of how you’d known that nothing could ever take your soul

[chorus]
don’t go, just stay
i’ll hide my rusty mind away
you won’t see it

don’t go, just stay
i’ll hide my rusty mind away
you won’t see it

don’t

[conclusion]
born of a broken man
blood drenched from soaking hands
what kind of joke am i?
heavy like a bag of sand
i just can’t straighten out
to pr-ne to repet-tion
searching for a vision, mission’s twisted ’til i can’t lift it
and i can’t listen without seeking a break in the conversation that makes for justifications of my actions
made out in malice, these habits are my palace
i grab it just to have it
and saturate my sadness
i’m peter pan in this wasteland
feet dragged back to this great flap
walk tough in this cold box
still got a soft spot from this whole loss

- replicator of futurology lyrics

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