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replicator (of futurology) - judgement night lyrics

this is for a child i never got to bring into this world, a [?] whose uncertainty’s heaving my chest everyday, what could have been but never was, a malformed b-st-rd raising storms in a teacup
ease up, this pain’s gonna send me to my death, most likely by convincing me to f-cking do it myself
i’ve fractured mental health never given a chance to recover
i’ll never forgive myself for ruining your chance at motherhood
and if you’re listening, i’m sorry
please accept this apology
honestly [?] is this a self-fulfilling prophecy
maybe i’m crazy but lately i can’t see any reason for you to do anything but hate me
maybe that’s why we don’t talk anymore
i fear whenever we do, i’m grief knocking at your door, laying funeral wreaths instead of flowers for romanticism
ain’t that some sh-t?
started so innocent and ended in a cataclysm
left us in a shattered division
that’s a decision i never wanted you to have to make
i’ve had my cake but all i’m eating’s regret
and i can’t pray for it to end ‘cause i know that this is what i deserve
looking at the road that lies ahead and genuinely questioning whether it’s worth continuing
when i lack the discipline to even look after myself
thinking maybe it was all for the best
and my pathetic story doesn’t even have an end
just heaving my possessions to the next frozen bed, distressed
live less and less everyday
watching the light at the end of the tunnel decay, simmer and finally p-ss
entropy cackles as i dodge and dance in this madness
every chance i take is tragic
a castaway in the transience
all i ever do is hurt people

- replicator of futurology lyrics

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