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rhea butcher - lifetime of weakness lyrics

[spoken]
i also love having us last name because i’m a lifetime vegetarian. (crowd laughing)
with the last name butcher (crowd laughing) and by that iron in my entire life with not too much
iron in my diet ,you know?.(crowd laughing). very weak. honestly, these [?] my muscles are just
made out of sampler seeds and hope. (crowd laughing) i wear a fitbit it just counts wishes
(crowd laughing) my gird on for today you wished ten times.go back to bed vegetarian, go back to bed. (crowd laughing). my mom was a vegetarian when she was pregnant with me. that’s how long i’ve been a vegetarian, in utero. she got an ultrasound i was just a cube of tofu
(crowd laughing). she was like ist it a boy or girl oh like we’re not sure, we do know it’s silken
(crowd laughing). oh tofu here are for you (crowd laughing). it was kinda, it wasn’t easy being a kid in the 80’s and being a vegetarian a [?] women in the the midwest. and i’d go for a slumber party in the parents would be like uh uh you’re a vegetarian what is it even mean?huh we’re ordering pizza it’s a circle. do you eat shapes ? (crowd laughing) we don’t (crowd laughing)
i’ll get extra napkins can you eat that? (crowd laughing) so rectangle. i’m not sure (crowd laughing). i’m like , i just want a plain cheese pizza just for me. i’m kevin mccallister from home alone that’s all i want (crowd laughing). so plain cheese pizza don’t put any vegetables on it
i’m a vegetarian ‘cause i like animals not ‘cause i like vegetables (crowd laughing). [?] maybe cheapskates about it and i get a half half cheese half pepperoni then i got for one of those
side pieces and i was just dancing with the devil . (crowd laughing) get an accident on pepperoni in my mouth i was gonna babablahbablahbablah (crowd laughing) ‘cause the taste’s like a spicy belt i don’t understand (crowd laughing) it’s like chewing and never goes away. i don’t get it , i don’t get it when i go back to the midwest now , huh i have to specify like i’ll have the vegetarian salad please and then i will still oh the chicken? you want the chicken ah(crowd laughing) nah, no, i don’t. one time i went out to dinner my order, the salad or signature dish
order that salad, sat down with it , started eating it.i was like, oh my god. this is like the craziest thing i ever tasted , this is like nothing i’ve ever had before in my entire life. this tastes crazy. i kept eating it and then like in a god david started playing (crowd laughing). my eyes dilated (crowd laughing) because i was baking the salad (crowd laughing). i hate that thing and i just run five miles then influend it (crowd laughing) i hate that they’re right (crowd laughing), that’s the worst part of it

- rhea butcher lyrics

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