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rhea butcher - vegetarian dog ownership lyrics

[spoken]
(laughter) yes. so we got this dog.(crowd cheering) yes, yes alright. yes. you know what
you’re talking about. so we got this dog uhm and he is great, i love it. and i and from my family
long line a cat people. so i still like cats, so like uhm, learn my history i understand. it’s just that
i didn’t know that you could have an animal that would appreciate you. (crowd laughing) in any way. shake or fun. you guys like i’m home to this dog he’s like “oh my god you’re back, oh thank god this i the best day of my life” (crowd laughing) hoo hoo wee i was [?] for two minutes. i have no count of the time i thought that was forever. (crowd laughing) “ oh god, i thought you’re around for good oh i’m so glad you’re back” (crowd laughing) ooh wee that was crazy, that was
oh i went to the mailbox. i don’t, i have no idea what mail is. what are you talking about?
(crowd laughing) i like every cat that i ever had in my entire life would come home they were like
pfff, god d-mn it. (crowd laughing) what was that like two minutes? come on. i really thought
you were gone for the day.(crowd laughing) huh. i had all the stuff i wanted to scratch.(crowd laughing) i was gonna knock everything over. (crowd laughing) now what i may. i know you’re gonna go to sleep eventually and all just dot then. but (sigh) i guess i’m just gonna go to bed
what time is it? 5 pm? yeah, i’m gonna turn in for the night, it’s 5 pm. (crowd laughing)
that’s a good time for bedtime (crowd laughing)yeah i’ll get up at about uhm 3 am and uhm
yeah you could pick me at 3 am and uhm (crowd laughing) you know it’s me by my claws in your face. (crowd laughing) goodnight. [?] recap mm (crowd laughing and clapping). i love this dog he’s great, we have the same political views.(crowd laughing) so works out perfectly. oh i love him but i have uhm as a lifetime vegetarian m running into some conflict. having us dog specifically these toys that i buy for him uhm called pizzle sticks (crowd laughing) some people
know what those are (crowd laughing) those of you that are not having a [?] reaction to what i just said (crowd laughing) that’s like a fun little term somebody [?] came up for a dried bull’s p-n-s. (crowd laughing) and there’s something that i purchased with money that iron at a jar
(crowd laughing) and that money is deposited into my bank account and attached to my debit card and i take that debit card to a dog’s store. and i go into that dog’s store i open up in. i pick out a dried bull’s p-n-s (crowd laughing) and i make sure to find the good one.(crowd laughing)
because i know what size he likes (crowd laughing). when i take that well proportioned dried bull’s p-n-s up to the cashier and i hand them my debit card and he swipes the debit card through the thing and the information bins in outer sp-ce hits the satellite comes back down the cashier’s like “here sir, here sir. here’s your dried bull’s p-n-s” (crowd laughing) it’s not a sentence i thought i would ever hear in my entire life (crowd laughing). wasn’t prepared for it
and a conflict comes in because we’ll number one: he’s an 8.8 pound carrier chihuahua (crowd laughing) and i am purchasing for him sometimes in bulk. (crowd laughing) the dried p-n-ses of a bull. (crowd laughing) life can be very unfair (crowd laughing) but to me it’s honestly like i had a baby, and that baby is crying. so i took another baby’s p-n-s (crowd laughing). and then i dried it and then i gave it to my baby to make him feel better. (crowd laughing). but there is an upsight to all these. ‘cause when i give it to you i get to yell “eat a d-ck in front” (crowd laughing). thank you. it’s not the worst (laughed) it’s not the worst

- rhea butcher lyrics

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