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ron eckert - the wench who stole christmas lyrics

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[verse 1]
twas’ the night before christmas
i’d just gotten soused
my vision was blurry
when i saw my ex+spouse

she gave me a hickey
slipped me a mickey
and when i woke up she’d stolen everything from my house

[chorus]
she’s a wench who stole my christmas
she knows i can’t call the police
she’s learned all my dirtiest laundry
she knows all the secrets i don’t want released
[verse 2]
and her new boyfriends with her
and he’s signing my name
approving the charges
on a new diamond ring

we’ll be married on new years
with a note on the bench
thanks for the wedding
merry christmas, the wench

[chorus]
and the wench who stole my christmas
just left in a red and white sleigh
she’s taken my two totes of bourbon
and left me with nothing, in my driveway

[verse 3]
but if it takes me forever
then find her i will
i’ll take back my toys
and her ring i will sell

her brand new tattoo says
“i made his gut wrench”
but paybacks are coming
get ready, you wench
it was fourteen days later
january the eighth
on elvis’s birthday
when the pi vocaded
then leaving las vegas
for the golden state
i uncorked a bottle
and flew to l.a

[chorus]
with five of my beer drinking buddies
belt buckles, big bubbas
big boots on our feet

[verse 4]
we kicked down the door
and the look on her face
was worth every penny that i’ve had to pay

[chorus]
and the wench who stole my christmas
is begging me not to leave
she’s even talking an omen
our new life together
can she still keep the ring?
[outro]
but as we’re leaving i’m singing
a victory tune
happy birthday to elvis!
happy honeymoon!

- ron eckert lyrics

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