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ross scott - modern major general lyrics

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i am the very model of a modern major+general
i’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral
i know the kings of england, and i quote the fights historical
from marathon to waterloo, in order categorical

i’m very well acquainted too with matters mathematical
i understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
about binomial theorem i’m teeming with a lot o’ news+++
with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

[spoken]
where’s my chorus!?

[sung]
i’m very good at integral and differential calculus
i know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
in short, in mattеrs vegetable, animal, and minеral
i am the very model of a modern major+general

i know our mythic history, king arthur’s and sir caradoc’s
i answer hard acrostics, i’ve a pretty taste for paradox
i quote in elegiacs all the crimes of heliogabalus
in conics i can floor peculiarities parablous

[spoken]
you know this song is kind of dated. it’s supposed to be “modern major general”, i’m gonna add a new verse

[sung]
i can fire at a target and hit it at least half the time
or graph out an electron path while using only numbers prime
i calculate the fall rate of a bullet shot a thousand yards
and perforate the thick heads of a hundred military guards

i can make a simulation of an atom bomb and build one too
or flank a dozen men and ambush ten of them out of the blue
from smgs to rpgs i carry quite an +rs+nal
and skip around a warzone like a subatomic particle

[spoken]
still no chorus! okay come on sing and i won’t k!ll you! those of you that are left i mean.. ah. (explosion) okay, there we go

[sung]
every solider out here wants to k!ll me for my curiosity
i wage war on the whole d+mn world because of my tenacity
in matters combat tactical and physics theoretical
i am the very model of a modern major general

[spoken]
alright, no one is even trying to sing along! i quit!

- ross scott lyrics

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