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rubys boy - slither conspiracy remix lyrics

[verse]
straight to hittin’ the stu, ain’t nothin’ else to do
i blocked matthew ’cause i don’t like you
exactly a month from today, i’m flyin’ out to my mama to surprise her on her birthday
this is a ruby baby mix
now lemme tell you about my dream state
lemme tell you about my mind state
’cause that sh+t been gettin’ outta hand, i’m not okay
how the f+ck you tell me you have a dream about your husband leaving you for my mom?
(this is about my ex’s mom, i love you)
how the f+ck that make you feel like me?
how the f+ck you brainwashin’ me?
how the f+ck you brainwash them kids?
i’m thankin’ god i got adhd
’cause my mental illness got me outta that situation
i’m itchin’ my thumbs at a grand view gas station
rеmember i wanted to bе a bum at a grand view gas station
remember i wanted to do heroin at a grand view gas station
pulled up, my moms called the grand view gas station
but that gas pump didn’t work, so i had to drive twenty miles downtown, pray it worked
i swerved into that one way street
thank god for the cars that honked at me
let’s play two truths, one lie
i ran away from my dad’s house one night
i’m still innocent and i’m happy
i tried to commit suicide + that wasn’t the lie
now back to that dream i was tellin’ y’all about
i told my mom, she told me about that dream
my ex’s mom told me about that dream
now what the f+ck was goin’ on in that dream?
my mom was really weirded out by that dream
my mom was hopin’ my ex’s family just stopped seein’ me
but not before they took me to church a couple times
it was a big ass building, looked like a warehouse
but it had a big ass stage in the middle
people was on that stage talkin’ nonsense
like how could i be christian and have a mental illness?
but i was just mindin’ my business, drawin’ in my journal
and then she took me home, we watched a weird ass movie about a girl who fell in a hole
b+tch, i feel like that girl who fell in a hole
but god and i saved me from that hole
to this day, i still think about that hole
i was lookin’ around like “why the f+ck i call this home?”
i was in the crib with a aphex twin song stuck in my head
this b+tch don’t listen to aphex twin, do she?
and that movie i was talkin’ about, it’s called miracles from heaven, so look it up
i’ma get drunk with a therapist, watch that sh+t in the dark, see why my head’s f+cked up
i don’t wanna watch anime, i don’t wanna watch my little pony
i wanna listen to dj screw and tell her that i’m g+y
i feel like i’m dj screw ’cause my mind went blank
rest in peace dj screw, point blank’s “mind went blank”
i’m drivin’ to state lines to get some andy’s
that’s the last thing i got before i was fired from her life
but i could give a f+ck about emotional attachment
i’m traumatized, it’s different than that sh+t
i don’t wanna be in a cult
i don’t wanna be in a cult
i wish my stepmom didn’t put y360 on my phone
’cause i gotta lie to her parents now ’cause my parents don’t know that i’m at her home
’cause it was covid back then, her family ain’t wanna put the mask on
you wanna know why? ’cause they said “god will protect us from this disease”
god ain’t protectin’ you from no disease
god ain’t here to protect you from any disease
i don’t know if god is real, but if he is, he ain’t protectin’ you from a disease
so now y’all know what i mean when i say crazy
and y’all wanna know another crazy story?
one time i knew my ex was sick, and if she was sick, she had covid ’cause her family didn’t test for it
so if she was sick, i really knew what that meant
and i was suicidal back then, so i didn’t really give a f+ck about my family or friends
so you know what i went and did? yeah, i saw her and i got sick as a b+tch
but i ain’t tell n0body ’cause i was goin’ to new york to see my mom and get away from my dad’s crib
i ain’t really wanna be in my dad’s crib at all, so that’s why i lied, i wanted to see my mom
but in turn, i got my dad sick and i ruined christmas for my whole family
but sh+t, at the same time, that wasn’t really my family, they never really cared about me
which is why i got so attached to my ex’s family
f+cked up kid with a f+cked up childhood
i don’t think my dad ever wanted me to get therapy
well dad, i think you should get therapy
y’all should reflect on how y’all been treatin’ me
my stepmom asked me why my music so dark, so i turned myself off
sh+t, my therapy the beat
shout out to my mom and stepdad
y’all saved my life for real, that’s my real mom and dad
okay, i just woke up from another trauma dream, but i’m workin’ on keepin’ it p
i was up ’til 2 am playin’ five nights at freddy’s, i’m on night three
but i’m on night like nine hundred when it comes to havin’ trauma dreams
i wrote a fifty six page book over summer 2021 over my past relationship
my cousin nat, my friend david and jack the only ones who read it
and i basically wrote it for that, so they could understand what i went through
i took ’em to grand view on my birthday, seventeen
we was in a field by ourselves, i was tellin’ ’em about my dreams
i was in that field by myself, nicotine on me
’bout a week before, right after i got off work, when my ex’s sister started to work
how the f+ck you gon’ work where i work? you live like twenty minutes away
i saw her name on the clock in sheet and now i gotta train this b+tch, it’s boutta be a bad day
and sure enough, it’s who i thought it was, i saw evil in them eyes
put my earbuds in, went to the bathroom and cried
saw my mom, picked her up, went to my car listenin’ to ’til i die
by ken carson, i like to turn up when i listen to music now
no more playin’ radiohead for my ex on her birthday, i don’t know why i did that now
but now that it’s over, i’m rappin’ in northtober
i mean it’s october, boutta be winter
i’m listenin’ to burial and j dilla on my porch thinkin’ ’bout that summer
i got so upset when it was time to go back to school ’cause i wanted to stay in my ex’s head
one time i was happy when i was hittin’ my juul
one time i was happy when i went to her house
i still have nightmares about that kitchen
but her house smelled like straight flowers with a little bleach mixed in it
and she gave me a lotta clothes, and all the clothes smelled like flowers with a little bleach mixed in it
so the clothes smelled like her home, and when we broke up, i still had the clothes
so when i was feelin’ down, i would smell the clothes ’cause it smelled like flowers with a little bleach mixed in it
so now when i’m feelin’ down, i’ma water my garden with some bleach mixed in it
i’ma make the whole world smell like my ex’s house
what if my ex’s family moved out of that house and someone else rented it out?
but this someone else was someone i knew, and then i shot a music video inside my ex’s house?
again, it’s not emotional attachment, i don’t miss that sh+t, it’s just trauma
’cause what the f+ck would you do if you had a whole family tellin’ you not to wear your mask ’cause god gon’ protect you from this disease?
how you think that affected me?
i was sittin’ down at the kitchen counter with my ex’s dad
he would read me some sh+t about the bible and i would still be sad
i would tell him ’bout my family situation and how i’m a little suicidal
i ain’t even really like my ex five months into dating, i just stayed with her ’cause of the family situation
’cause it was a dark reflection of my reality
or my reality was a dark reflection of her reality
she had four blood siblings, i had two half, two step+siblings
i never wanna talk about this sh+t again
she broke my heart over zoom on a tuesday afternoon
i could die, i drove to my mom’s listenin’ to an x interview
got under my bed with a bottle of jack, tried to commit suicide later that night, but i couldn’t commit
then i ran away, tried to see heaven’s gate
but i didn’t see that, so i ran back home
where i remain to this day

- rubys boy lyrics

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