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rustage - trauma lyrics

if you’re a younger fan than i suggest you skip this track
i’ve danced around the subject but i’ve never been this blunt in rap
i’m kind of scared of sharing but it’s something that i need to make
a tale of my trauma and a tale of my mistakes

when it all started i was at a party been touched by a man that i didn’t know
i was kid and then n0body liked me so i was surprised after every stroke
i didn’t resist and then after i felt kinda nice it was fine
i was like
“this is easy i don’t need a women i might just continue and give this a go”

so next i’m online and i’m strolling through craigslist
i was too young so i lied ‘bout my age it’s
clеar i was desperate was fuеled by self hatred
next i was trading these photos i’m naked

next thing i’m talking in ways that i shouldn’t be
they say that they want to meet up and then agree
thought i was smart at the peak of maturity
f+ck was i not i was stupid and i couldn’t see

i entered his house it was okay
just gonna touch and then go away
i take off my clothes and he’s locking the door and i’m starting to panic, like no way

the force of his grab pushed me back as he slammed down my body
i couldn’t leave
i couldn’t leave, his weight there on top of me
head in the bed so i couldn’t scream
i couldn’t scream
blinded by pain i remember the blood and i couldn’t see
i couldn’t see
the feeling off fear as it driving inside and i couldn’t breath
i couldn’t breath
i couldn’t breath
thought i was dead
f+ck
i couldn’t leave
the moment is carved in my memory
and so there wasn’t a day where it wouldn’t bleed
felt like it when on for centuries
ripped me apart so incessantly
a monster devoid of all empathy
but when he finished, exhausted he fell asleep

he locked every exit but one little window i think that he maybe forgot
i kept on thinking that i could’ve died if he didn’t leave that one unlocked
i was in shock
i didn’t want to tell anyone, i was embarrassed and lost
i was a child
f+ck
i was a child
what else could i possibly done
i couldn’t run
i couldn’t sleep
it kept invading my dreams
it was a living h+ll
blocked out my sense of smell
so i could have just a moment of peace

crippled by ptsd
i could be triggered by so many things
but the internet made being triggered a meme
kept it inside, i just wanted to scream
tortured my mind and it just wouldn’t leave
f+cked up my school
f+cked up my life
f+cked me right up i would not go outside
i found myself wishing i could just be normal
no breaking down crying in bed every night

bed every night
bed every night
found myself crying in bed every night
i was a child
f+ck
i was a child
i was so scared that i wouldn’t survive
wouldn’t survive
wouldn’t survive
stood in the tracks i was ready to die
ready to let it all end
i was done being tortured by this kind of life

- rustage lyrics

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