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ryan tellez - the flash recap rap (seasons 3 & 4) lyrics

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no more sad boy in flashpoint
barry is loving his new world
living at home like a loser
and creepily stalking that poor girl

flash is now wally
cisco is balling
everyone’s life is cake
then barry loses his memories
says “i’ve made a big mistake” (yeah)

reversing the death and returning to present
where it’s suddenly different, in that it’s a bummer
cisco is sad and iris hates dad
and wellsy is back but he’s dumber

ain’t no one fusses and it don’t take too much to get
everyone’s b-tt back in gear, though
’cause that’s what it’s like when your job is to write
friggin 23 eps in a year, bro

since we’ve veered
caitlin’s mind been chopped and screwed with
torn between being a g*nius and an angry ac unit

malfoy’s in the cast now
when he black out, call him alchemy
and he uses the philosopher’s stone
in the biz they call that synergy

they have a mini fling, even joe dates again
man those romances are ramping up
and cisco’s girl lives on earth-19
a nerdier excuse than “canada”

crossover action when the alien factions
come to the city and invade
and throw in an act where the arrowverse cast
can relieve their pasts on broadway

it wouldn’t be flash without trying to catch
a speedster connected to barr
he don’t have metal bones
he just a barry clone
who don’t put gel in his hair

to stop the tragedy of barry having an even worse ‘do in the future
find an adorkable physicist to
build them a speed force bazooka

get that alien jewel off the
anthropomorphic shark
then freaky friday switch
r.i.p. hr
caitlin splits
k!ll savitar

mother manifests ’cause speed force needs a prisoner for reasons
then barry’s gotta go so let’s postpone that wedding ’til next season

this show goes off the rails
ain’t no reason to hate it
’cause look deep inside. you still can’t deny
all the jobs that it created

it’s nothing but checks in the bank, yo
it’s talent agents and execs to thank, so
weld at the steel mill, do grocery bagging
while writers, props, and sounds
make that speed force bazooka happen

and oh sure that plot’s got inconsistencies
but 23 eps, yo?
that’s job security
in an industry that’s fickle and jobs ain’t guaranteed
but let’s get back to the recap
’cause that’s what y’all wanna see

no more old flash, just kid flash
and he don’t have the same essence
barry come back, his brain is all whack
like a beautiful mind that makes less sense

crop-dusted a bus with a metric
b-tt-load of dark matter
and gave random people a grabbag of powers
least none of them got any faster

just stretchier like ralphie here
former gumshoe turned gum dude
cartoonishly quippy, ’cause that’s what was missing
but that’s what this show has come to

a fun day job, for jay and silent bob
and trejo, to make cameos
and the council of wells is just cavanagh
workshopping his one-man show

and oh west-allen
that ship will be making its next stop
though they have the same chemistry
as a damp rag and a wet mop

no one objects but one small exception:
n-z-s appear from another dimension
crossover win and then barry marries his sister…

let’s turn to the real threat
that guy in the chair with the arm rests
no need for speed
no leather just tweed
that’s writers taking a hard left

a casualty of the same catastrophe
that turned him into a human google
his master plan is to make people stupid…
(hold on, is that right? -flips through script- yeah, that’s what he says. okay…)

barry framed for the murder of devoe
so he goes to the joint
buddies up with goldberg and attempts a beard
but devoe’s mind swaps into way hotter folks
and his wife got the best part of the bargain here

meanwhile blacksmith didn’t really practice her british accent
and now barry’s out, running flashtime routes like none of this happened

devoe in ralph’s body, the plan is unfolding
need telekinesis to stop him
incept barry into devoe
beat him up all while keeping that baby from popping

and talk about stress, but we’re out of this mess
the evil is back in remission
then west-allen’s future kid is in with the catchphrase
“this house is b-tchin”

yeah it’s off the wall, this premise is insane
but with fun at its core and teen choice awards
can anyone really complain? (no!)

set that sci fi nonsense to the side
and realize that you’re witnessing the grind
jesse l. martin rocks his broadway chops to keep the cash in his wallet
tom cavanagh had ed in the aughts but
his kids gotta get through college

and stuntmen, editors, key grips, ads
people need employment
and why not take this wacky job
where they get a little enjoyment

so air your grievances, write your tweets and blogs
as long as you keep watching, all these people keep their jobs
and that’s not a bad thing

- ryan tellez lyrics

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