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sam darkoh - ampersand lyrics

verse 1:
visions of my father laughing while he clapping in the day
i love him in his happy phase
visions of my mother singing “hail mary full of grace”
she so strong when she prays
both split soon after grandfather pasted away
i’m smacking boxes like i was fonzie from “happy days”
smacks on the back, brother smiling on his face
sister stressing over dates
‘member we were so afraid
family out to eat, walk into a spot
restaurant
everybody sitting, stopping and they watch
before kids, we were just the color of our skin
we were black, couldn’t lack, finding new reasons to grin
odds stacked, couldn’t slack, they don’t want to see us to win
different spectrum of success, i was 9, maybe 10
i kept my grades up, never saw a felony
placing heavy weight on my back like sense memory
mama work graveyards, stay stable when she able
that’s food on the table
that’s allowance
that’s cable
that’s fables force fed thru the whole media
teen curiosity would force somebody repeat em
i don’t blame anybody
the whole wide world, had me questioning my body
self hate my new hobby
not liking my skin properly
lightening my skin properly
like i’m actually a monster
turn me to a dying zombie
too dark and too tall, too loud and too awkward
thinking maybe this world would be better with me off it
for the love along the way, you were never just a girl
lord knows, i don’t know how to get it, but i want the world

chorus:
i desired better odds
sending messages to god
maybe i could land a job so i can get paid
or maybe i’d be honored with a bad lil mama
who ain’t really bout the drama so i can get laid
yea, don’t wanna make it too lengthy
i hear the envy in words they convey
i just hope my whole soul empty
when we land on the day, he choose to end me

verse 2:
i still wanna be top tier
like god tears
what i got here
like nasir
i’m illmatic
still at it
distilled magic
you still stagnant
die d-mn it
why shouldn’t it
world told i couldn’t fly
they scrutinize just to divide
but you take the vibe and you multiply
thickening your melanin, your whole skin, they’ll brutalize
don’t go strive for the other side, of what they despise
priorities urgent
fighting ain’t worth it
time for we is time away from me and i’m too far from perfect
i can’t love only surface
picking you another purchase
pockets hurting
moving all my money to the merchants
adore you, adore me
i try not to bore the
raised by divorcees
that’s destined love for me
don’t have too many friends outside this
walk on by worries, days hazy like isaac
golden like a chosen outsider
less darkness behind eye lids
sleep when i’m old but i kid, i kid

verse 3:
pull up, i pull a chair out
summer growing my hair out
art as a lifestyle is what i care bout
i’m getting my fro twisted
happiness addictive
might organize black functions bring marvin just to mix it
baby face david chase
state of estates written all on my face
values over race
that’s been the case since first day
oh, moonlight to the room i’m in
i live like a king in the skin i’m in
desire to set fire under my own empire
rise or demise, label these all as my trials
ire desire my first try
catching flak like the worst guy
diverse dialogue, that’s rich life through poor eyes
black is beautiful
misunderstood, unusual
i’m doing this for me so you can do this for you
i can go super saiyan
say i ain’t super sane
windows vibrate, changing lanes in the rain, yea

- sam darkoh lyrics

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