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sammy j & randy - a ballad lyrics

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[randy]
(to the audience)
we’re gonna sing you a song tonight, my friends, we’re very excited+

(sees sammy j looking at someone in the audience)

(laughing)
what the h+ll are you doing?!

[sammy j]
sorry–i ran out to say h+llo, and then i got thrown, ’cause i thought i knew a guy in the front row… but i don’t! so everything is under control!

(both laugh)

[randy]
(to the audience member)
hey, champ, what’s your name?

[audience member]
chris

[randy]
chris!

[sammy j]
hey, chris!
[randy]
chris, has you ever met sammy before?

[chris]
no

[randy]
no?

[sammy j]
why don’t we do a little song, randy?

[randy]
just rеlax, chris!

[sammy j]
there was a time

[sammy j and randy]
whеn life was simple

[sammy j]
two friends

[randy]
best friends
[sammy j and randy]
two best friends running hand+in+hand through the meadow
when life was simple

[sammy j]
skimmin’ stones across the fjord

[randy]
climbing every mountain, singing, praise the lord!

[sammy j]
hot apple strudel on the windowsill

[randy]
gobble it up ’til you get your fill

[sammy j]
there was a time

[sammy j and randy]
when life was simple

[sammy j]
i was a boy

[randy]
i was a girl
[sammy j and randy]
two best friends running hand+in+hand
through the sweet green meadows of switzerland

[sammy j]
there was a time

[randy]
there was a time

[sammy j]
when life was simple
and we made love in the cool green grass

[randy]
squeeze my nipple and you slap my ass

[sammy j]
pull my hair and scratch my back

[randy]
you gotta work the shaft and cup the sack

[sammy j]
hey, randy?

[randy]
hey, sammy?

[sammy j]
i’m not sure about this

[randy]
this is disturbing

[sammy j]
how do you recall this, too?

[randy]
i have no idea

[sammy j]
i have a very vivid memory of taking your virginity
just behind my+

[sammy j and randy]
+auntie helga’s windmill!

[randy]
oh my god!

[sammy j]
you know what this means?

[randy]
yep!

[sammy j and randy]
we were
swiss lovers in a past life
yah!

[sammy j]
what are the chances?

[sammy j and randy]
we were
swiss lovers in a past life
danke!

[sammy j]
i was inside you all night long

[randy]
then i moved away

[sammy j]
you joined the nunnery

[randy]
you never came to visit

[sammy j]
oh yes, i did!

[randy]
oh no, you didn’t!

[sammy j]
how could you forget?
the night that i was there
threw pebbles at your window
til you let down your hair
i climbed your golden locks
you took me in your arms
and we made love that night

[randy]
which window?

[sammy j]
third window from the left

[randy]
that wasn’t my window

(pause)

[sammy j]
(suddenly realizing–points at chris)
i just figured out where i know that guy from!

we were

[sammy j and randy]
swiss lovers in a past life
chris
couldn’t get enough of
we were
swiss lovers in a past life
ow!
one night stand in a nunnery

[sammy j]
there was a time

[randy]
there was a time

[sammy j]
when

[sammy j and randy]
i f+cked that guy
there!

[randy]
hey, sammy?

[sammy j]
hey, randy?

[randy]
is this h0m+phobic?

[sammy j]
because it’s making fun of g+y men?

[randy]
do you think so?

[sammy j]
i have no idea

[randy]
well, there’s a certain implication
h0m+s+xual fornication
is more worthy of laughs

[sammy j]
but they were laughing!

[randy]
that’s no excuse
it’s 2015!

[sammy j and randy]
there was a time
when comedy was simple

[sammy j]
g+y jokes

[randy]
racist jokes!

[sammy j and randy]
jokes about
fat disabled midgets

[sammy j]
they’re laughing!

[sammy j and randy]
that’s because they’re simple

[randy]
and it’s our job to educate

[sammy j]
avoid jokes that discriminate

[randy]
the cheapest laughs are there to pick

[sammy j]
like, we could just say

[sammy j and randy]
suck my d+ck
too easy!

[sammy j]
we’ve gone too far

[randy]
tonight, we’re gonna raise the bar!

[sammy j]
yeah, no more swearing!

[randy]
no more sm+t!

[sammy j and randy]
it’s a brand+new day for us

there was a time
when we were filthy

[sammy j]
seven years of dirty jokes

[randy]
now it’s time to entertain these folks

[sammy j and randy]
with good old+fashioned family fun

[randy]
they all said it can’t be done!

[sammy j]
but look at us now, and clap along

[randy]
come join us in our happy song!

[sammy j and randy]
(leading the audience to clap along)
we’re happy!
we’re clappy!

[sammy j]
i say, randy!

[randy]
what’s that, chappie?

[sammy j]
what’s up with your googly eyes?

[randy]
i’ve got a thyroid problem, you [censored]

(awkward pause)

[randy]
bring that sh+t up on f+cking stage!

[sammy j]
sorry, i didn’t know that, i didn’t know that, i’m just really sorry…

[randy]
jesus…

[sammy j]
there was a time

[randy]
when we were

[sammy j and randy]
swiss lovers in a past life, baby, yeah

danke!

- sammy j randy lyrics

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