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sammy j & randy - census lyrics

name, s+x, age, marital status
current address, religion, ethnic background

what’s a dwelling?
don’t ask me!
i’m still stuck on question three!
surname?
i don’t have one!
just put ‘purple’
oh

rental status?
month+by+month
occupation?
skinny c+nt
what?
nothing!
what’d you put for ‘house description’?
sh+thole!

so it begins
when it arrives
we gotta justify our lives
and face the fact that nothing’s changed

since the last time we did this
five years ago
back when we promised that we’d
get our sh+t together
so in five years time we wouldn’t feel like
total f+cking failures
but in five years we’ve done f+ck+all
but lament the fact that we’ve done f+cking nothing with our lives
and then they f+cking make us write it down
when the census comes to town!
name, s+x, age, marital status
current address, religion, ethnic background

name?
randy
s+x?
male
age?
thirty five
marital status?
recently divorced
current address?
ricket’s lane
religion?
pass
ethnic background?
haberdashery

name?
sammy
s+x?
male
age?
twen’y nine
marital status?
stalker
current address?
ricket’s lane
religion?
jedi
ethnic background?
summer babe!
what do i put?
what do i write?
i’ve got my job it’s going nowhere+
did i drop the ball?
[?]

and i still can’t make it work
i’m still a virgin
i’m still a jerk
how do you paint a pretty picture
when your brush is broken and your palette’s full of sh+t?

name, s+x, age, marital status
current address, religion, ethnic background

superannuation
occupation
getting further education
origin [?] gender orientation
network
date of birth
language spoken at home
anglaise!

income
health plan
tv license
broadband access
method of sewerage
landline
livestock
[?]
windows
livestock?
livestock!
livestock?
yeah, livestock!
kids
tax
pets
beds
bikes
car
doors

rooves
yard
bills
gas
former employer
bank
shed
school
food
pool
next of kin!

i never knew my father!
he died in a plane crash
september ’11, 2001
it was in new zealand
didn’t make the papers

i never knew my mother!
she left me in a basket!
on a doorstep
on a cold night
then she picked me up the next day

what?
it was a playdate
with a neighbour
randy?
we ate chicken twisties
my dad died
i had a very happy childhood
you were listening?
now back to the census
for f+ck’s sake!

name? (who?)
s+x? (why?)
age? (what for?)
marital status? (who am i?)
current address? (where?)
religion? (alabama!)
how come this is so degrading?

it seems senseless that they send the census to us
since the census can see through us
with statistical sixth sense
we tick the boxes
cross the ‘i’s
collecting data from our lives
and the survey says… +ding+

we’re f+cked
what do i put?
what do i write?
i’ve got my job; it’s going nowhere+
did i drop the ball?
[?]
it’s wrapped around my scr+t+m
pushing me down, dragging me down
and [?] the indignity
[?]

and we normally don’t mind it
we just hate to be reminded
by the answers that our pens are putting down
you try to hide it
but there’s no way to disguise your sh+tty life
when the census comes to town!

- sammy j randy lyrics

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