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saturday night live - bald guys lyrics

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(spoken intro)
[man]
god, what an amazing first date

[woman]
i know, right. i agree, too

[man]
me too

[woman]
you know what my favorite part of tonight was?

[man]
mmm?

[woman]
not one strange thing happened

[man]
what do you mean?

[woman]
i mean, all night not one odd thing occurred. you didn’t say anything weird, i didn’t say anything weird, our waiter was totally normal, the food was delicious. nothing was weird at all

[man]
that’s so true. although i did notice one thing that was a little odd
[woman]
oh, really? what was that?

[man]
well, every single person in this restaurant is bald

[woman]
huh. do you think it’s like a convention or something?

[man]
no. strangely, i think there just happen to be 30 bald men here at once

[woman]
god, look at them. they’re so happy

(song)
[bald men]
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
we are bald men, yes it’s true
we can do all the things that you can do

[bald waiter]
we are bald men, strong and proud

[bald men]
we are bald men, we’re singing our song out loud
[bald man 1}
we are bald men, and that is that

[bald man 2]
on a first date, i typically wear a hat

[bald man 3]
we are bald men, there’s nothing for you to fear

[bald men]
it’s just so weird that 30 of us are here

[bald man 4]
i’m a bald man, but not by choice (no, sir!)
you tease me, that isn’t very nice (no way!)
life is good as a bald man, i guarantee it
i have a freckle on my head, and everyone can see it

{bald men 1 and 2]
loving a bald man is not illegal
the national bird is a bald eagle
statham, diesel, tucci and the rock
our heads look like the tip of a giant

[bald men]
thumb thumb thumb thumb thumb thumb thumb thumb
thumb thumb thumb thumb thumb thumb thumb thumb
we are bald men, glorious and true
cantaloupe is our favorite food
we were bald by the age of 17
[bald man 3]
my gym teacher was super mean

[bald men]
but he got caught with an underage girl
in the back of a big stretch limousine

[bald men]
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
we are bald men, we’re fun and quirky
only traitors will get you here in turkey
we are bald men through and through
we can do all the wonderful things that men with hair can do
also, we’re more generous in bed because we have to be

- saturday night live lyrics

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