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scrupulous - i’d go to hell if i could lyrics

for 5 years you worked on creating this mess
i clutched my knees close to my chest
i cried like a baby but i bet you guessed
you happy with yourself destroying your nephews mind?
you happy with yourself taking innocence that’s hard to find?
to think you basically got away with taking away a lifetime
an entire future tainted
it’ll never be the same
i’ll never be completely sane
i’m a freak to which you are to blame
i’m almost completely numb now cus i can’t bare the pain
oh and mama i need you to know it weren’t your fault one bit
and daddy i told you you should of k!lled him but i was a broken kid
you done all that you could after all the bad that he did
i’m the only one should be sorry for all of my sh-t
when i destroyed parts of the house that my family lived
that you work so hard to pay for
you were there in court when my friends disappeared
yet now i know it’s good riddance to the thoughts that i feared
i can recall a day there was actually loyalty between two friends
now getting thrown under the bus sound like a bittersweet end
i tell my truth and now i’m alone
that one girl that loved me
d, you were my home
i guess i screwed that up too ain’t it?
god ain’t bless me with a smile i paint it
even the lord know i ain’t sh-t
so the noose becomes an option
staring at this bottle and pills and on the label it reads “mixing with alcohol k!lls”
maybe that’s what my life is and dying fulfils
maybe that’s what my life is and dying fulfils, yeah

i’d go to h-ll if i could
god maybe i should
i’d go to h-ll if i could
burn me like an effigy, wood
ah i’d go to h-ll if i could
i’m waiting for death in a hood
i’d go to h-ll if i could
god maybe i should

to my brothers and sister i’m sorry i been irritating like a blister
i’m sorry i been a monster and screamed like i’m crazy but i seen things at your age and you just babies
these things that i seen weren’t for a young boy at 15
i could tell it all but i gotta keep it inside even if i fall cus it’s n-body’s burden to bare
yet you had a burden wondering if i was dying out there
nights i came home covered in blood
fights with my own friends at the pub
self destructive and drunk
so many tears i caused
i didn’t know what was wrong with me
i just felt so lost and i’m sorry
i should’ve just left you all alone
i should’ve gave you all a better life without me
again i didn’t realise life wasn’t about me
just a teenager traumatised
a child understanding his life’s been lies
and everyone that said they love him is in question
now he knows these f-cks just second guessing
and that he was blind to real love he was blind to a blessing
yeah he was blind to a blessing
mm

- scrupulous lyrics

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