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seamus moore - the ballad of lidl and aldi lyrics

the wife she broke her ankle when she tumbled off the bike
leaving me to do the housework, a job i never liked
and doing the weekly shopping seemed a dreadful chore to me
’til i discovered lidl and aldi, lidl and aldi, lidl didee

now i just can’t wait for thursdays when the specials go on view
i’m the first man to the trolleys; i’m the first man in the queue
for now i know what women mean about retail therapy
it’s lidl and aldi, lidl and aldi, lidl and aldi, lidl didee

its angle grinders and black puddings and a pot of gеrman jam
a lump of hairy bacon and a wet suit from j+pan
and a pack of streaky rashers, a cratе of russian stout
and a portable generator just in case the lights go out
alloy wheels and windscreen wipers and a bag of rooster spuds
an inflatable rubber dinghy to help survive the floods
spanners, sockets and fish fingers, they’re so cheap they’re d+mn near free
at lidl and aldi, lidl and aldi, lidl and aldi, lidl didee
there’s welding rods and prime organic beef to make a hearty stew
a hiking staff and spiky boots for climbing kathmandu
big heads of curly cabbage to make you eat your fill
sledgehammers and bananas and a lovely cordless drill
there’s hatchets and hamburgers and there’s tins of beans and peas
and a petrol driven chainsaw for cutting bits off trees
strimmers, sabres, saws and sausages, computers and tvs
at lidl and aldi, lidl and aldi, lidl and aldi, lidl didee

now the wife she’s gone ballistic, me marriage heading for the rocks
with her crutches and her shopping bags now she’s hobbling round the shops
and she’s cut up all me credit cards, i’m sad as sad could be
no more aldi, lidl or aldi, no more lidldidee for me
now me shed is full of plastic sh+t i didn’t really want
and the gardens full of furniture and the house is full of plants
and i’m living in the doghouse; rover, fido, shep and me
all because of lidl and aldi, lidl and aldi, lidldidee

no angle grinders or black puddings, no more pots of german jam
no lumps o’ hairy bacon, no more wet suits from j+pan
no packs of streaky rashers, and i’ll have to do without
a portable generator in case the lights go out
no alloy wheels or windscreen wipers, no more bags of rooster spuds
no inflatable rubber dinghies to help survive the floods
for i am living in the doghouse i’m as sad as sad can be
no more aldi lidl or aldi, no more lidldidee for me!
no aldi, lidl or aldi, no more lidldidee for me
(now you’re sucking diesel!)

- seamus moore lyrics

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