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seiriol davies - boots and feathers lyrics

[keith]
now let me explain to you, old pal the eton f+gging way
the boys like you give older boys like me a “hand” about their day
you’ll be my catamite, my storage rack, my toilet warmer too
so that my chilly old napoleon can meet his warmer loo. pun!
[henry]
hahaha
[keith]
however freezing cold becomes the weather
because, old chum: we’re all in this together

[henry, spoken]
gosh cameron, that’s a very effective slogan cameron!

[keith, spoken]
i know. now shut up your +rs+ so i can tell you some more stuff. you see it’s

(sung)
just a way of letting childrеn play at being slaves
and it’s clear to see in thе long run all the lives the system saves
because it’s not just slaves we play at being, it’s also being god
it’ll be so useful in ten years or so when you’re out there on your tod
among so many strange and foreign faces
don’t be afraid, just give a little tug on your rule britannia laces

[henry and keith]
wearing
[henry, keith and band]
boots, boots, boots, boots
boots, boots, boots and feathers
boots, boots, lovely shiny boots
very nice shiny boots and lovely feathers
oh we british are so divine
just because we’re so masculine
watch me go, and i’ll surely knock ’em dead (watch him go, and he’ll surely knock ’em dead)
with feathers on my head! (with feathers on his head!)
[henry, spoken]
gadzooks cameron, that is the best song ever!

[keith, spoken]
i know. you see, there are so many places where the british empire’s presence has ensured peace and order will abide for ever more: west africa, afghanistan, palestine, iraq, all fixed. you’re welcome. you see history will judge us, and it will judge us well. because history is written by the winners. it’s also won by the winners. and we are the winners.

[henry]
oh my gosh!
you are such a manly cove, with such a thrusting crutch
let me be your empty vessel, i want to learn to be so… butch
just like wellington, and nelson, and his hardy+kissing ilk
a man is never prouder than in pantaloons of silk
with rigid seams just here where i am lumpy
which are irritating and make me sort of perma+grumpy, they’re awful!

[keith, spoken]
quite right too, n0body ever died because an englishman was slightly grumpy. as my latin and eugenics master, major rod mcdominator, used to say: “show me a man who’s slightly miffed, and he will conquer the world very swift.” and that’s obviously true.

[henry, spoken]
yes! it rhymes!

[keith, spoken]
exactly.

[henry, spoken]
my mamma, who, as you know, died when i was very young, leaving me in the loving arms of my cold and distant father, used to say ‘be yourself’.
[keith, spoken]
be yourself? whom do you think you are? whym are you here? howm do you think this works? you’re an aristocrat paget: not technically a person. you’re an icon, a symbol, connected to a whole that is far far bigger, and old, and weird, and flaggy.

[henry, spoken]
and great!

[keith, spoken]
where you walk, the empire walks. if you wave a sabre at some cannibals, it’s not you waving a sabre: it’s the empire.

[henry, spoken]
if i wear hot pants and a geisha mask, the empire wears hot pants and a geisha mask!

[keith, spoken]
well i never, what a silly clot you are. have up paget, you’ve dampened my spirits by being such a spotty malco. why don’t you sing the eton school college for posh boys of the gentry school song? that never fails to rouse me.

[henry]
e+ton, e+ton, pull up a peasant to put your feet on
look into the future, see your place in it

[keith]
spoiler alert: it’s at the top

[henry and keith]
f+ck the poor!

[henry, keith and band]
i want to
join the greatest chain and be its shiniest little link
i want to be a part of painting all the world a lovely pink
let us strap into our costumes and a+marching, marching go
[band]
where the streets are paved with plebs

[henry, keith and band]
we are not men, we’re supermen
and we’ll let those foreigns know (silly foreigns)
with nothing but natural superiority
we also have guns
but mainly natural superiority (superiority)
we are the best

[henry and keith]
check out our
[henry, keith and band]
boots, boots, boots, boots
boots, boots, boots and feathers
boots, boots, lovely shiny boots
very nice shiny boots and lovely feathers
oh we british are so divine
just because we’re so masculine

[keith, spoken]
no! whenever you sing it you always make it sound so g+y, which in this time period means ‘happy’. it’s really a very serious song. let’s do it again, but this time think butch thoughts. think about men in moustaches pummeling each other hard, eyes wide with admiration. a+five, six, seven eight!

[henry, keith and band]
boots, boots, boots, boots
boots, boots, boots and feathers
boots, boots, lovely shiny boots
very nice shiny boots and lovely feathers
oh we british are so divine
just because we’re so masculine
watch me go, and i’ll surely knock ’em dead (watch him go, and he’ll surely knock ’em dead)
with feathers on my + (with feathers on his +)

[keith, spoken]
no! what’s the point in explaining anything to you? you’ll never amount to anything. you’re nothing but a silly frilly frilly frolly frilly frop. good day i hate you.

[henry]
ah!

- seiriol davies lyrics

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