seiriol davies - mainstream lyrics
henry: now in the past i’ve been accused of trying to be “clever”
and i think, “me? weird? an intellectually obsucrantist?”
henry and keith: never!
h: i’m telling you, i long to be obvious
k: he’s as easy to interpret as a dream
h: that dream you have the night before you have to do something stressful
in which you have to do something stressful
hk: that dream!
h: and in order to show that
k: we’ve made this show that
h: demonstrates i’m utterly, hopelessly, devotedly
hk: mainstream
h: with this playlet
i want everyone to know
i’m going where i’ve always wanted to go
hk: mainstream entertainment
h: it will be like i’ve made a cake and then put it inside your brain
and then you’ll know what i know!
h: what do people want?
k: what do people want?
h: they want songs
hk: oh
h: what do people want?
k: what do they want?
h: they want actors portraying more than one character, each with a different accent because that is hard and clever
ladies and gentlemen, mainstream actor, mister alexander keith!
k: ‘o, for a muse of fire, that would ascend. the brightest heaven of invention…’
thank you! it is i, mister alexander keith
a mainstream actor from the bustling west end of victorian london. tonight i hope to be able to dispense myself in the role of ‘supporting performer’ sharing what few meagre sk!lls i have picked up over the many years treading the vulgar boards
band: dance break
k: oh!
hkb: whoa!
keith
yeah!
oooooooh!
k: and i also dance a little. this is
hk: mainstream entertainment
k: i will do my accents, “stone the crows! och, babby”
hk: this is mainstream entertainment
b: so just sit back and think, “it’s basically downton abbey”
hk: what do people want?
(what do people want?)
h: they want events!
k: we’ve got nineteen of them
h: up to half of those are dramatic
hk: what do people want?
(what do people want?)
h: they want it to be a bit clever, like maybe the whole thing is a metaphor for, the bible, or the greek myths, or the mahābhārata, or the iraq war—those are the main four. and this show has elements of all of them, probably, if you really, really think about it
hk: audiences love to be flattered
k: but we’d never try to flatter you
h: you’re clearly way too intelligent
k: you are!
hk: we really hate going home from something and spend the whole way home just trying to figure out what the h-ll it meant
hkb: we want to be like pistons
following the path of least resistance
shooting from orifices of performance
in a bee-line to your sensory organs
this is bbc1 bliss
keira knightley could’ve been in this!
hk: this is mainstream entertainment
k: i will use my acting chops to give you happy, normal, sad
hk: this is mainstream entertainment
h: ten minutes from the end it’ll look like things are getting really bad
hk: but then it gets better for a happy ending
hkb: happy ending!
hk: mainstream
b: mainstream
hk: entertainment
h: as emotionally uncomplicated as elton john’s “your song”
hk: this is mainstream
b: mainstream
hk: entertainment
and mainstream songs are aboooooooout
this long
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