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self critic - mobius strip lyrics

[verse 1]

i feel like a sh-ll of my former self, sheltering from myself
my senses formed a cell expecting to sort themselves
but the more i cloister them, blocking enormous noise within
the more this confinement gives my inner thesaurus voice again
my current state of life is in shambles
the defiance it channels when it tries finding a balance
is striking, you’d think i’d waste no time to start to revive the spark
and devise a plot for the future, but no, and people say i am smart
heh, my whole persona’s a sham
this clever and responsible man is not who i am
but what i crave to be eventually, i paint my dream ident-ty
and pray for people’s density that they can’t see rest of me

[pre-chorus]

cause i’m afraid i’ll push everyone away
if i loosen up and utter what i want to say
i’m afraid i’ll push all my friends away
with my histrionics if i let my let my stress dictate
my behavior, cause my hatred tends to drive me insane when it’s dilated

[chorus]

“i said that’s enough!”
all you do is whine and whine
about your dad and how you have no spine
to get your life back on track in time
“i said that’s enough!”
i won’t listen anymore
why would i console a slacker for?
i’m not fooled by the life you had before
“you want a war? well, you’ve got a war”

[verse 2]

when the patience is thin, there’s no room for mistakes
if you’re raging within, this anger ruins your fate
all the time you invested into constructing your life
will not leave any evidence you left something behind
everything that i did is gonna stay in the past
everything that i built saw its foundation collapse
all accomplishments feel like one breath away from the prize
i’ll forever be showing promise in everyone’s eyes
there’s nothing you can hope to say to me
to unsew the grain that my father’s ghost engraved in me
it doesn’t help i can see through his whole chicanery
cause i’ll never get the self-respect it stole away from me
he certainly knows how to hurt me the most
say i stalled my personal growth deserting my goals
juxtapose me with my brother, his work, and his kids
as if i don’t already feel worthless as is
“hey, listen denys, my son, you’ve failed as a developer
you’ve no sk!lls in coding despite education in america
why not try your luck in hollywood and make it as an actor?
i got a friend in la who can help create a new chapter”
hard to respond to pungent vitriol when you’ve plunged against the wall
your aplomb could just dissolve cause you feel so despicable
add untenable ignominy hemming me in
sequestering myself in solitude again and again

[pre-chorus]

[chorus]

[interlude 1]

“now we gave you a promise, and we are bound by that promise
and d-mn you for asking for it, and d-mn me for agreeing to it
and d-mn all of us to h-ll, because that is exactly where we’re going”

[verse 3]

you think acknowledging your oversights will resolve your plight
the more you write about it and make disappointment hide?
you’re joking, right? it’s obvious the damage is done
any repair attempt is an endless scavenger hunt
in the past five years, what have you done but chastise mirrors
for not displaying lies generated by your ant-sized fears?
there’s a stark disparity between your music gimmick and you in the flesh
when we talk in person you don’t ever seem truly depressed
always smiling, happy, kind, thoughtful, in tune with yourself
yet in your music you’re regularly pursuing my help
but what can i do with your indolence consuming your psyche
you don’t want to listen to my input, resuming to write me
more lyircs in a vicious circle of a mobius strip
you traveled underneath your path without noticing it

[chorus 2]

i, i’ve gone off the deep end
by following my vision
and i, i have been beaten
but why, why ain’t i weeping?

[bridge]

yes, i threw my whole life away
i can’t count the number of chances i’ve forgone
yet i regret nothing, and all of my mistakes
are offset by the notion i’m in the place where i belong

[chorus]

[interlude 2]

“you want war”
“we talked about cooperation
you didn’t want cooperation
you want war”

[chorus 2]

[outro]

all i say will be neglected, as i expected
all you do will keep on making my gorge rise

- self critic lyrics

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