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sellotapez - candid lyrics

[ verse 1 : sellotapez]
i was in a dark place when i wrote this/ feeling like a degenerate knowing what broke is/ my mind racing with negative thoughts, couldn’t focus/ i need to loose this weight/ so i took a pen, wrote these lines down/ man i need to vent/ sick of being a pessimist, who the h-ll am i? was i born? where the h-ll is mom? where the h-ll is pa? who’s gonna be proud? when i’m top in cl-ss/ when i top the charts/ who’s gonna really really smile? and be really proud of me/ when i get my law degree and graduate/ is it worth it? am i worth it? i don’t know i’m just living for the moment, i don’t really care if i die or live/ i mean, i contemplate about suicide everyday but a part of me, won’t let me k!ll me/ i thought about jumping in front of a moving car/ thought about overdose/ thought of getting aids but nah/ i need aid/ i’m really nothing at all/ this is not self-pity is reality/ i’m really nothing at all/ all i know is rap music academic stuff/ i really love rap but i’m forced to be in school so i can get a job/ so tell me what are the odds? i feel like my life is an arranged marriage/ sometimes i wish my mother had a miscarriage/ this is really rock bottom man i’m really depressed/ ain’t n-body gonna love you enough/ unless you their child/ love you bad enough/ to make a sacrifice/ no matter how hard they try/ man it won’t suffice/they won’t compromise/ i gotta improvise/ just to stay alive

[ chorus x2 : kayla avrials]
i need it, i need it, the strength that got me this far/
i need it, i need it, the faith that kept me alive/
these crazy thoughts in my mind, don’t know if i’m sane or alive/
sometimes i wish i could die, its hard on me i won’t lie

[ verse 2 : sellotapez ]
i’m a broken soul i’m rarely happy/ no bliss no joy and for me to rejoice man is rarely barely/ can’t recall memories of my father i don’t remember much/ only thing that i have that is close to a father / is my freaken brother/ and lately, we been on some other b.s and hitting harder/ i feel like, he ain’t proud of me/ what if, he was my real father/ i would be far more depressed man desensitized/ sometimes i’m glad my dad is dead/ maybe the man would have abused me/ wouldn’t let me rap/ i wouldn’t be saying these words and rapping for you/ wouldn’t be motivating and inspiring you/ you wouldn’t be saying ga’d-mn sellotapez is dope/ but hey, i’m just thinking loudly i would do anything for a father/ i was robbed of my childhood/ do you hear me lord? you my father’s father but you took my father/ you my father too but i needed a father/ oh lord do you hear me father/ all of this is a cry for help/ i’m not strong i didn’t have a choice/ i just had to live, even though i kept on loosing people they all died on me/ all the women just freaken left/ mama died on me, ex-girl just walked away, current gonna cheat on me, and my sisters finna desert me/ how can i deserve this? this is, degrading/ i’m so sad i can’t fake a smile/ whats the point suicide let me take my life

- sellotapez lyrics

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