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sex havers - egregious tinder date lyrics

[verse: quare]
you are not gonna believe who i hooked up with on tinder
i think i hooked up with the dumbest person on tinder
cause how come i’m tryna ask you your favorite shows to get to know you better
and you said your favorite show was twitter
and then i’m confused, i thought you didn’t get it
so i emphasize it more this time and i repeat the question
so you say you know we’re talking about shows and sh+t
but then you go on to say how like, your taste is subjective
so now since obviously there’s something that you misunderstood
i start talking about how the last of us is really good
still can’t tell if you know what a show is, but at least we’re kinda getting somewhere
until you say you think it’s cool it was adapted from a book
and then i say no, it was adapted from a video game
and then you say you didn’t know they made it into a game
so i say listen it’s the other way around and there never was a book
and then you f+ckin’ tell me, and i quote, “can you stop please”
i really had no idea what i did but i just said sorry
cause i’m kinda stuck here and most people don’t even want to date me
so now i’m tryna just not do it again or whatever the f+ck
i’m honestly confused like you seemed a lot cooler over text
so now you choose the topic and we’re on f+cking favorite colors
and you’re starting off so you tell me yours is blue
so i’m going along with it and i tell you mine is green
so tell me why the f+ck you said “ew”
so i point it out, and you say “no but like i still love that for you”
as if what you said wasn’t really f+ckin’ mean
and i also wanna know what you have against green
but if i say any of that sh+t you’ll probably get mad at me
so instead what happens is sh+t kinda gets quiet
and we end up, like, spending the rest of the date in f+ckin silence
so then we kinda just get up and say our goodbyes
and say some sh+t like “i’ll see you another time”
and for some godd+mn reason we actually follow through with that
honestly at this point i was just like morbidly curious
so we pick a date and restaurant and all that other sh+t
and i’m like “okay cool, i’ll see you tomorrow”
so tell me why the f+ck i wake up at 2am
and i hear glass f+cking shattering outside my bedroom
and i get up to see what the h+ll happened
and i see your dumbass sprawled across the floor
and before i can ask how the f+ck you got my address
you f+cking get up and start f+cking yelling at me
asking me all of this sh+t about our date
like b+tch it is 2 a.m. in the godd+mn morning
and you’re like, “the date was supposed to start an hour ago”
b+tch it’s eleven hours from now, you could not be more off
and you’re telling me how the restaurant was closed
and you’re saying it’s supposed to be open at 1 o’clock
you mistook the afternoon for the morning, you are r+t+rded
and you broke my f+cking window and you trampled my garden
and the door was locked because you are not even supposed to be here
but you can use the door this time when you f+cking leave here
so then i sit there and watch you speed off in your car
i don’t even know how you drive considering how idiotic you are
you probably use your parents license cause you look alike or some sh+t
cause there’s no way in h+ll you actually passed that test
but that still doesn’t explain how you haven’t crashed and died
honestly you probably did and just came back to life
but you only came back with like half your brain like a zombie
honestly at this point that is the most logical explanation
or you call an uber to drive you everywhere you go
but the uber shows up 12 hours early and has rocks for brains
but despite all that sh+t can drive relatively safely
and can also track people down and works for the cia
and my window is still broken, i don’t even know how i’ll fix it
you should be glad i didn’t go to the cops about this sh+t
i don’t think i could afford both a window and a lawyer
and it would just take too much time even if pays for the former
honestly you’ll probably end up in prison regardless
considering how it’s illegal to be that f+cking r+t+rded
so now i’ve deleted tinder cause i’ve had enough
your dumbass can’t read a godd+mn clock, like my f+cking grandpa
[outro: lil shungite]
watch out fido, you’re about to get slimed

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