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seymour butts - assorted verses lyrics

[intro]
yo!
goddammit!

[verse 1]
yo, did you hear they legalized weed in oregon?
i’m buzzing so bad that i’m on the floor again
f-ck pot, give this wh0r- ah pen-yen
cocaine, smack, meth, or hallucinogens
i don’t care about gr-ss
but you’ve got your d-mn head up your -ss
your eyes are locked on lasers
if you ain’t realize portland’s got an nba team
called the d-mn blazers, and we can’t be suspicious
let me mention the denver nuggets
and you try telling me that this sh-t’s fict-tious
i’m telling you, illuminati’s been naughty
it’s time to learn karate and flush its members
down the d-mn potty
don’t smoke weed unless you wanna be a kkk clansmen
a n-z-, master of kamikaze, who once was a loved man’s man
the ganja will addle your brains, rattle your chains
two potheads in a brawl, then i guess that it is
battle of the slain
because your life is over, four-leaf clovers
ain’t gonna get you out of this one
you chose a different leaf, moreover, you can’t avoid her
put one godd-mn blunt in your mouth
and death will be waiting on your doorstep
waiting for you to open the door
so he can punch you in your f-cking cortex
tell you you look gorgeous, conjure up a swarm of h-rnets
clench your throat with forceps, dress you in a corset
pick you up and throw you into a f-cking vortex

yo!
goddammit!

[verse 2]
on a tuesday morning, i woke up in a ditch
without forewarning, i had a stomachache
and was hungry as a b-tch
i couldn’t remember why i was there
not a thing circled my brain about my whereabouts
this, um, alcoholism’s dividing my life apart
like a schism, i feel like a tool imprisoned
in a world of self-loathing, like i’m bred to be wry
to myself, you asking why? it’s my health
it’s fading speedily because i’m greedily
drinking all the booze that i can and
i’m becoming a drunken b-st-rd
and i can’t accept change, so i’ve become
a stuck-in-the-past t-rd, and every night i get plastered
i ask life to slow down, but it just keeps going faster and faster
almost like every time i take a sip, it’s another disaster
i can barely drive, i’m so f-cked up
i bashed my head on the dashboard and crashed
gore and gashes, but still things could’ve been mad worse
i try so f-cking hard, but i can’t get this sh-t mastered
like an angel was waiting for me and i just walked right past her
goddammit, i feel like a basket case
i feel like this sh-t’s irreversible, like my casket’s placed
and there’s no way out of this predicament
i’m just so sick, i’m in sh-t condition and
this once innocent man is now so washed up and belligerent
so f-ck it, i give up
i’m going back to that ditch to lay askew
f-ck a harmonica, i’m playing the kazoo
i’m filth and i’ve got problems out the wazoo

yo!
goddammit!

[verse 3]
seymour b-tts is an example of the americana
that spreads all the way from susquehanna
to the wetland banks of louisiana
riding my sleigh in the street running over grandmas
like they went and p-ssed off santa

- seymour butts lyrics

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