sha stimuli - impatience lyrics
chorus
i don’t want to wait
for my funeral
for me to realize life is so beautiful
i don’t want to wait for my wake to see that being alive is so great
verse 1
i woke up from a dream where i was no longer breathing, i got excited
five years ago i thought about bringing that dream to life
i guess to say i was depressed without knowing it’s not inviting
but the truth is that the proof of my pain was deep in my writing
comparing myself to pac was like, machete to pocket knife
not saying i’m not as nice, i just wanted the spotted light
shining on me any way possible, if that meant my cold body called it quits in the hospital, then the time was right
how could the time be right for an early death?
i think the right time is using what we have left
chasing money, i thought that equaled success
it took reflection of my records to detect that i was blessed
i mentioned riding the train, always embraced poverty
talked about using girls for their cars, paper and property
victimizing myself like the industry had it out for me
said i wanted a spouse and a son, but it felt so out of reach
how can we, walk around with blindfolds, stuck in grind mode?
i was trying so hard to use my rhyme flow
shine, glow, rise, blow, fly, float, high, grow, line shows up, and get wild doe ‘fore my time goes
i climbed over hurdles in the truest sense
car, crib, wife, kid; now each day’s a new event
no more seeing darkness, switched my vision and removed the tints
know you gaining strength when you curl what you used to bench
chorus
i don’t want to wait
for my funeral
for me to realize life is so beautiful
i don’t want to wait for my wake to see that being alive is so great
verse 2
you don’t want to wait
‘til your parent dies, and you masking cries
wiping tears, can’t no one pacify you, the pastor tries
half the time you roamed on the planet, you had a p-ssive ride
praying, hoping, wishing, but living just like the average guy
see you don’t need inspirational speakers
or motivation from oprah, or doctors changing your features
you know that life is a b-tch when nas and az was preaching
so keep your focus on your goal, and every day, go achieve it
don’t wait until you sit in the waiting room, in a crazy mood
nervous to receive some h-llacious news, hope it’s april fools
people told me i had to lie to make it, they made the rules, up i had to break ‘em and make my moves
i don’t want to wait
for a better job, great boss
tax return, new love, bigger place, weight loss
mixtape dropping, you swear it’s gon’ get you popping, or as soon as your credit gets fixed, you bout to take off
it’s like waiting for christmas to open presents
when every day is a gift that was pre-sent, it’s your presence
on earth, believe you’re worth more than money
you’re not a peasant
you measure yourself by salaries, that can be why you’re stressing
look
your new year’s resolution is evolution, gym membership, that you never use or the weight that you’re never losing, you’re gaining, cause your pain has no retribution
the answer’s in the mirror, and yes it’s proven
the most expensive bed is your deathbed, you could be paid
it won’t matter how much you saved
once you lay down and you’re on your way out, there’s no amount of money that would make someone trade, i don’t want to wait
chorus
i don’t want to wait
for my funeral
for me to realize life is so beautiful
i don’t want to wait for my wake to see that being alive is so great
verse 3
i don’t want to wait like i did with my dad
to tell him that i was bitter, not mad
he didn’t get to see me rap on tv or become a college grad
it’s like single-parent homes became a fad
i wish he was here, no i wish i was sincere when he was living
or maybe just more enlightened to tell him how much i missed him
i didn’t need child support or even help with tuition
i needed adult support, so i could tell him my vision
i can’t wait to tell my mother, that she inserted love and trust
in a situation that could have been so tumultuous
days i needed someone reminding me i was tough enough
and daddy wasn’t there, she would hold me down with a mother’s touch
i wanted a parent at my games that would cheer me on
i needed someone not to praise me, but hear my songs
mama worked like every day, out there being strong
so the lights, grocery, and heat was on
and we ain’t miss a meal, but she had to deal with two sons trying to shine
at the job nine to five, we was hungry five to nine
dealt with infidelity, fighting, domestic violent crimes and a car crash that totally realigned her spine
so i can’t wait
to say mom you showed the deepest love that i can’t shake
i had to let her know it way before our last date, cause life tends to move at a fast pace
god when i figured father figures were figures that didn’t bother, to father they kids and live with ‘em, it was hard not to harbor on
hurt that i felt inside when i saw that things would get harder
my brother was having kids, had the absent cycle revolving
and no, my bro is not returning my calls while i’m penning this
by the time it’s released, i pray there’s repentances
i don’t even know what i did to get off his friendship list
but either way i love him to death, he gave me an endless gift
he didn’t have to bring me to those masta ace sessions
hung with kool g, craig g, great lessons
met kane, i met marley, met big, even played ball with guru and premier as a kid
but there’s much more than that
he excelled before he rapped, all-world quarterback, and then he ripped them slaughter tracks
my big brother, wasn’t big’s brother but he was more like a distant cousin
beats and rhymes, consistent buzzing, got a record deal cause he was real and plus he spit disgusting, made me feel proud and inspired, and i’m still in the oven, i’m not done
the love i have for my son
man it’s hard to find descriptive language
my career was filled with anguish
now i’m picked to raise a child into a man, to guide his hand to help him stand, but i get crazy nervous fits and anxious
i want to tell my wife, that she was so right
for having strength, fort-tude and yes the foresight
to walk away, cause on those dark, lonely, long nights
loose ends evolved to be more tight
and i said it before, but looking back, i guess i wasn’t dumb
i chased a music mission, gave my heart to strings and drums
and truly she understood, it’s not to say i wasn’t good
but still she left me for the man i would become
and how she loved me then is hard to fathom, it was random, now this tandem, we’ve created makes me rise and hold my heart, it’s like the anthem
with the rockets red glare and the bombs bursting in air
all the issues in the past we just surp-ssed them
since she appeared, there’s not a pair that can compare
and it’s so rare, when there was storms of hate and clouds of doubt, and cold fronts of despair
i had an umbrella, rain shelter, sunshine to clear, my way of thinking, i was down and she was there
so please don’t wait! i don’t care if you got your ears closed
‘cause i don’t dress like i’m a weirdo
i’m trying to find courage like the cat that was easing down the road with the dog, tinman and the scarecrow
and that other chick, please make your bucket list
tell your fam you love them, call somebody up for nothing, please reach out and touch them
see when you’re born you cry
and everybody smiles
when you die you smile
and everybody cries
they say everybody dies
but their soul sticks together
i’m so thankful for this ride
through my music, i live forever
chorus
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