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shteppi - 20. lyrics

[intro]
yuh

[verse]
back in the venue my homies tearin’ the stage up
flippin’ through my sketchbook, doodlin’ every page uh
so many ideas flowin’ out of my brain bruh i wonder what it’s like to have came up
payin’ bills from rap but wonder how many days until i make a milli’
can try so wonder how many verses k!lled i’m keepin stored in the back
my thinking cap am i being greedy for being hungry?
i do this for the art, not the money, but the moneys nice
i always think my idols don’t do this for the money right
i speak into my microphone so much that it’s funny right
my homies 30 hope i do this sh+t in my 20’s right
i’m f+ckin’ up, i fear i do nothin’ right when i’m acin’
freddy krueger, jason ain’t rappin’ their both adjacent
cause to me i’m slashin’ dreams that i’m having, just to get payment
dream chasin’ gettin’ in stickier situations that i would if i was working a 9 to 5 with a wasian
i think i’m going crazy just laying inside my house
if the music doesn’t work out then i’m f+cked i can almost taste it
just keep your head straight girl and try to secure these placements
and don’t go makin’ a move to f+ck up the progress you’re making
hol’ up
first of december i barely lived through november
feel like my brain gettin’ tenderized after changing my gender
newer hormones kickin’ in tryna keep a low temper
how can i render the way that i’m feelin without feeling stupid?
i know i’m not but you think i was the way that i’m movin
my homies getting more distant my family getting more clueless
my days are passing me by as depression getting more [rooted?]
in my life, f+ck up my mood i could cry whatever i’m doing
now i’m sensitive
used to have the thickest skin
worried bout my penmanship, newer feelings kickin in
wanna hit the pen and sh+t but i’m too worried i’ll get sick
of chasing after benjamins it’d be okay not hittin’ sh+t, yuh
i’m so afraid i’m gone lose my drive
look up in my mirror everyday, askin’ who am i?
my granny don’t remember me at all, getting dewy eye’d
my momma see i’m tryin’ not to go through with suicide
n0body really know me outside of my computer
my family think i’m going crazy cause i stay up from 2 to 5
my life won’t get threw aside
i’m getting my sh+t together, but hopefully my music
unlike me wanna live forever, i hope so, yuh
yuh i hope so
live forever i hope so

- shteppi lyrics

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