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simcard stylegan - essio tools - "trapt” (1925) (ft. steven appleseed) lyrics

[verse 1: nike pro combat]

(i+i+i love plants vs. zombies)
wake up, wanna k!ll myself
cause she don’t f+ck with me
but i just gotta chill, myself
sh+t could get troubling
i really need to boss up
but it’s a toss+up how i feel
half of these days i don’t feel real
f+ck it, i still get up, it’s sat+rday
little kitty marching around and pawing at my face
f+ck, i overslept and forgot i need to get him spayed
hop out the bed and check the clock, oh f+ck i’m running late
little kitty just f+cking chilling
[???] [five?]
i freak the f+ck out of my dumbass cat (why, why?)
why did i set my alarm to dirty work by steely dan?
that didn’t make me get up, just made me dream of steely dan
i got my ex+girlfriend cheating on me with donald f+gen
it was like actual steely dan but everyone was gay and trans (girls with d+cks)
but that sh+t was just a dream, so i turned the page
i just need to lock in on my cat and get him in his cage
he don’t even want no treats, won’t cooperate
now i’m freaking out, go upstairs and wake up my roommate
“girl, i know i said look that was my responsibility
but right now i could really use your cat+handling abilities
he won’t get in his cage no matter what, little bro’s k!lling me
are you feeling me, cause i gotta + know if you’re feeling me”
she nods, thank god, so we try to push him in
but he don’t even move, swear this cat is built different
we have to turn his cage up on its side and drop him in
he’s meowing like a b+tch (meow), [he sees] my roommate’s [b+tch??] (meow)
8:05, need a ride, he’s on in 10 minutes
call a lyft, i got stiffed, blew thirty bucks on him (baseball [?])
leather seats, driver screams: “don’t let him make a mess!”
i’m like, he’s locked inside a cage, how could he make a mess?
it’s a rough drive, down the 405
i+i+i don’t even know where that road is, i said it cause it rhymes
get into the clinic, it’s 8:20 when i get in line
“sorry i’m so late”
they tell me, “chill out girl, it’s lowkey fine”
fine? well can you put that on the motherf+cking website?
because you said that 8:15 was a hard deadline
i skipped a show last night so i could make my bedtime
i popped thirty xans so i could sleep right
the vet asks me
“that’s a lot of xans, girl do you need to leave?”
i here might crash out backing up for another parrot screech [?] (guhhh!! fine!!)
i said i’m okay, sorry, i just got no sleep, so last week (no sleep!! caw!!)
my girl dropped me plus i had this [?] that made me freak (i got dumped!! freak!!)
but i’m going on way too much about my ex+girlfriend, and that’s irrelevant
same parrot starts mocking me, “she cheated on me for the h+ll of it!” (caw!!)
why this parrot got me sounding like i’m involuntarily celibate?
like maybe i should work more on my fullness and my self+betterment
plus i lied, she literally didn’t cheat on me
we both agreed, we would try polyamory
but i got so possessive, its for the best that she had to leave
the vet’s like, “cool, can we get to your kitty please?”
“what’s your name?”
i said claire
“what’s her name?”
i said gun
and somebody ducked
i said no his name is gun
i didn’t bring a strap, i just brought a cat, and that cat’s name is gun
i didn’t name him that but i wish i did ’cause his name is lowkey tuff
they say they’ll take him in
but just one more question
your cat is not a boy
but you keep saying ‘him’
i said i know he isn’t
but his last owner did it
she always called him ‘he’
so i stick with tradition
the vet just laughs
cause she looks at me weird
misgendering a pet is just this person’s biggest fear
look around and realise i’m the only tranny here
i hear that parrot shake his feathers, look at me, and screech out “queer!” (awhhh!!)
“queer! queer! f+ggot! queer!”
who the f+ck taught that parrot how to recognise a queer?
why would they think the f+slur is okay for him to hear?
like is that parrot straight, or can that bird reclaim?
okay, now, f, (f) v, (v) rcp (rcp)
i’m looking through my email for a discharge summary
i said he’s up+to+date on almost all of his vaccines
i never got him boosted but he’s all good, i made peace, yeah
okay, they say, he needs to get boosted
i’m like, that’s right, that’s some f+cking true sh+t
she’s like, okay, so why didn’t you do it
i said i was busy, b+tch i was working on my music
then off he goes, it’s time to say goodbye
he’s whimpering and meowing, it could make me cry (meowwww)
my little catty+cat is dead, he turned into a guy
honestly i thought that’s what getting spayed meant at the time
the vet goes okay, there’s the door, you can pick him up at four
i’m like, “is there anywhere to eat, i’m so hungry i might throw up on the floor”
“please don’t do that ’cause our neighbourhood has restaurants galore
and check out the new breakfast joint, that sh+t just opened up next door”
hop up out the clinic, i need to get some food (it’s + destiny!!)
but most of the places on the block don’t open until noon
it’s just the breakfast spot, which doesn’t look too hot
it’s that or eating at the mcdonalds where odb got got
that’s right, no cap, same place, grays ave
i’m looking at the mcdonalds where odb got grabbed
i looked it up just to confirm and yeah this is where it was really at
first odb, then luigi, why mcdonalds workers always gotta rat?
i tried the other place, menus on the table for the taking
the guy behind the counter won’t stop talking about jamaicans
i was really half asleep, i don’t recall what he was saying
but it was either pro+jamaicans, or it was really anti+jamaicans
he had one of those ‘let’s summon demons’ shirts on
that does not bode well for the quality of this meal
i got an egg sandwich with some brisket just to see how that sh+t would feel
it was like ten bucks but for the amount of brisket that sh+t was lowkey a steal
nowhere to eat inside
i had to eat outside
in this ugly+ass parking lot, god that sh+t was fried (like my ex)
walked back to the vet and found a little backyard and it was nice
i was hoping i’d get to see some dogs playing, that would’ve been nice
i waited there, fingers on the chain+link fence for a dumb amount of time
i did not get to see a single doggy run and jump and play outside
no doggies in the yard, so i had to focus on my own canines
bite my t++th into my egg brisket sandwich and it was fine
yeah, it was fine, it was fine, it was fine
definitely not worth it, sh+t was ten bucks with no side
but i get rap money, i don’t look at the price
i scoff my sandwich down, swatting away a fly
yeah, fly singular, it would not shoo
i do not think this was a fly, but that term will have to do
if i described what this bug looked like you would not think it true
this fly should not be on the move
please lock him up inside a zoo, ooh
then i got up and i went into mickey d’s
i know it’s bds, but bear with me please
i had no intention of getting a bite to eat
’cause i was full from the sandwich; i just needed a spot to pee
yeah, i walked a block and it felt h+lla long, yeah
the walk felt longer than this f+cking song, yeah
(seven minutes!)
i was so tired what the f+ck was wrong, yeah?
oh right, it might be the two dozen xans that i got inside of my bloodstream
now i’m really just freaking out, i’m not giving a f+ck about prosody
but that’s a word my ex+girl taught me, and she was really into music theory
now i’m f+cking just crying about my ex+girlfriend in the mickey d’s
oh my f+cking god, the same fly f+cking bothering me
okay, hold on, let me pause this story really quickly and just zero in on this fly
yuh, his back was like grey+black with these dotted streaks of white
actually that could be cap, i don’t know ’cause i’m colourblind
but if you identify bugs, please hit me up, b+tch, please hit my line
i forgot to mention while i was peeing i popped two more xans
cause i was geeking like what if i get kicked out of the bathroom for being trans
now i’m f+cking geeked more worrying that i’m getting kicked out of the bathroom for being off all of these xans
google documents keeps autocorrecting xans, it just wants me to write xanax
i keep hearing the buzz
i get to swinging on this fly, see what this palm does
i almost slap him off my leg but then he gets away again
i can’t even k!ll a fly that must be why i lost the huzz
“yo, did you order anything?” says some b+tch behind the counter
i don’t even have a quarter that i could say + that i could f+cking + count her
now i just blew half a jackson on some brisket
and i did not here come to + buy + not even + come here to buy no + food i was + [?]
(yeah, that’s fine, you don’t need to do a second take)
well i guess that’s exactly what the f+ck i said
i really thought i only thought that sh+t inside my head (no, no, no)
said it out loud and now i am turning red
just f+cking wish i was back home in my f+cking bed
“okay,” she says, “you have two minutes to please kindly leave”
i wonder if she knows i’m off a couple xans, i’m h+lla geeked
what the f+ck is it with the greys avenue mcdonald’s employees
why are they such f+cking cops? no wonder they snitched on odb
then i get outside, i start feeling right
i’m just breathing in the fresh air, basking in the morning light
like okay, stressful day, but i think she’ll be alright
oh my god, there’s that motherf+cking fly
i go brrrrrrrrrrrr brrrrrrrrrrrrrr
(money plane)
okay, i may have lied earlier when i said i did not have a gun
i was not lying when i said that my cat’s name was gun (that’s true)
but i was lying when i said i didn’t also have a gun (you know [?])
i [got that records] in his name but never mind now, i’m feeling fly
how am i so good with this pistol that i shot a motherf+cking fly
yuh, he was buzzing real fast, i shot his ass right out the sky
i feel like i’m built to spill, ’cause you know i would hurt a fly
jk, jk, i wouldn’t hurt one, i would shoot one
got this pistol on my lap, you know that i love to shoot guns
oh, who’s your favourite rapper, scratch it out and pick a new one
’cause claire’s your favourite rapper now
’cause claire managed to shoot a f+cking fly
oh sh+t, i hear ‘whoop, whoop’, what could i have expected
i try to explain what’s going on as i get arrested
like, officer, if i’m not there for my cat he could get infected!
“well next time, kid, don’t shoot at a bug that’s protected”
i’m like, “he’s endangered? how the f+ck was i supposed to know that” (it’s true)
wait + how the f+ck are you supposed to know that? (there’s only three of them left, and you just k!lled one)
like, you’re telling me that the birth rate on this fly really was doing so bad? (mm, yup)
that you were like tracking every last one just to know when they’d go bad? (that’s exactly what we were doing)
he said “yeah”, i said “ain’t no way”, i said “officer, i think you’re lying to me, to my f+cking face”
he said, “tell me, have you ever seen a fly that looked that way?”
i said “no”
he said “there you go, kid, i rest my case”
case, case, case, case, case
then i remembered casings like a bullet and i have a gun
yeah that’s when i remembered that i have a motherf+cking gun
so i pulled out my gun, (so i + okay +)
brrrrrrrrrr
that’s right, i k!lled myself!
i don’t know how the f+ck i got the right angle but i k!lled myself
i emptied out all of my head on the window, yeah i spilled myself
hovered out of my body, yeah and there was no way i could feel myself
cops swears at the gunshot
he’s looking all stunlocked
i’m feeling like tim and moby when i got my brainpop
i’m moving like [???] just holding my own oneshot [?]
bullet went right through the eye
oh my god, i’m so f+cking fly
yuhhh, i don’t even really give a f+ck (ooh)
now i’m a f+cking ghost, i feel like a two+year+old cause i [???] (uhh)
(girls with d+cks)
that’s right, when i died, i put my [?????] on the grave (on the grave)
i rolled up to a haunted house, saw headshots, i just f+cking sprayed (brrrrr)
okay, okay, [moving some] b+tches out of my face (out the f+ck of my face)
dracula’s like, b+tch i [???] (ah, ah, ah, agh)
oh, he’s probably mad as f+ck, he’s helpless there like [???] (claire, turn your vocals in)
i don’t f+cking care, b+tch i’m a spirit and i still get paid (cha+ching!)
i might haunt a gucci store, bounce out with a pair of shades (ya, ya)
i might haunt an [armani?], bounce out with a few [grenades?] (ya, ey, ya)
i might bounce out with a candelabra and just torch the place [?] (with a candelabra, though!)
i might bounce with a black cat and i get all my opps spayed
yeah
nike pro combat
claire
and shoutout to my cat whose name is gun
that is actually his name
that is actually his name
[skit 1]

[aerith vippmann] guys, did you hear that, like, wow!
[stimmona appleseed] that’s the song of the century right there․
[cornelius von de blue] it’s got me feeling like + i can’t hold it in․
i gotta say it․
yoooooooo!! pff․

[aerith] hey, who the f+ck?
[stimmona] wait up, you b+st+rd!
[cornelius] those are ruben’s coins, you dastardly thief! stop right there․

[steven appleseed] i bet i can outrun those junkies. they’re all like blind mole rats․
[stimmona] wait + steve. what do you have all those coins on you for? wait, why are you robbing us?
[aerith] oh, i recognise that guy!
we did give him access to this studio when we were drunk, didn’t we․
[steven] business is business, you know․
[stimmona] we should stop making decisions while under the influence․
[steven] the guy who hired me․
[aerith] there’s no cars in quebec~! no cars, no reason
[stimmona] fair point․
[steven] you listening?
you guys gonna try and catch me or should i just outrun you?
[aerith] so, who is it that you’re working for?
[steven] finally you ask․
i’m just following orders․
[stimmona] from whom?
[aerith] oh, you finally started saying ‘whom’ instead of ‘who’․
[stimmona] that’s not important right now, but… but yeah, i’m working on making my speech more proper․
[steven] famous electronic musician moby. i’m moby’s top guy. he relied on me to do his bidding for the past while. he came up to me and said, “wanna be richard m. hall’s top guy?” and i was like, you know, i hate moby, but if moby came up to me, not even hypothetically, which he did, and told me i could be his top guy, well, obviously i had to step up to the plate and do it. i had to become his top guy. but honestly i’m lowkey kinda bored of the guy. i had a moment about it at first, and i was like “i’m moby’s top guy.” but that afterglow wore off quick. mostly cause i’m bored of gangstalking bis+xuals through spotify. moby makes me do that all day when i’m not try to rob you of coins and i’m so over it. i’m so over being moby’s top guy․
[aerith] first he leaks the info about me and stimmona’s wedding․
[stimmona] then he recruits my brother?
[cornelius] then he robs my dead and deadbeat good+for+nothing brother!
[aerith, cornelius, & stimmona] moby!!!
[steven] can i keep some of these coins if i tell you where moby’s hiding? i’m kind of starving for cash right now․
[stimmona] yes! lead us to the moby lair․
i’ve gotta kick that b+st+rd’s bald head in until it’s a f+cking pancake․
[cornelius] this moby man seems, uh, a very unpleasant individual indeed․
[aerith] that meddlesome dog!
[steven] well, he’s located at +
[stimmona] no way․
[skit 2]
(bet on) (girls with d+cks) (f+cking) (my mom’s sister)

say everyone, are you familiar with the term ‘(rap olympics)’? they say it develops around the eighth grade at the cusp of p+b+rty. it is a frightening disease of the adolescent mind. the line between childhood fantasy and a sense of self+awareness becomes blurred, resulting in some inexplicable behaviours. for instance, a (girl) who up to yesterday only read weekly comics develops a sudden interest in (ludwig’s angina.) and suddenly demands to (yuribait more than hibike euphonium) or a student who believes they possess some special power dives headfirst into the (money plane.) now, take this young (girl) who, in elementary school, was the prime example of one suffering from (rap olympics). he began calling himself (steamapps) and adopted the catchphrase (cosigned by steamapps.)
(ahh…
embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing, forget it, forget it, forget it, forget it!)
it is a sickness that feeds on embarrassment. recalling even the tiniest of details can result in crippling emotional (destiny!!)

- simcard stylegan lyrics

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