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slaves of the feeling - january dump lyrics

[verse 1]
i’ve aged two years in one month
the day when i dye grey has come
my friends keep me at arm’s length and i don’t see anyone
i’m running low on serotonin
i think i missed the moment
i fell asleep and didn’t eat, then i woke up and vomit
another thing for pablo to give me sh+t for
he doesn’t even know what to say anymore
and this is only the tip of the iceberg
i would make a perfect twink if i were a little more thin
i used to work out in the gym but it didn’t work for me
so i bought clothes i never wore ’cause i could never fit in it
i hit my peak in 2018
i didn’t have any traumas so i had to create them
and i haven’t been able to cut off communication with my inner voices ever since
growing up as an only child, i was my own therapist
and i never reconciled with the people i got into fights with when i was a kid
if i see them on the street now, the first thing i would think about is how they made me feel
i became a stranger to myself and everyone else that i knew
now i go by mr. ”i+forgot+what+his+called’’ and i’m almost 22
people have formed opinions about me
i wish i was warned before i starved my body
every day when i’d go to school
i felt like charlie in the perks of being a wallflower
they said i was awkward and my teachers didn’t care i was being bullied
it’s hard to not take things like this to heart
when everywhere you go, people don’t remember what they did to you
[chorus]
if i don’t like the way i’m perceived
it’s ’cause you were my mirror
there was a time when i believed everyone had some sh+t to figure
i don’t understand how they now have their whole lives planned
when i can’t send a dm sayin’ ”i miss you”
i don’t talk too much but i overshare in my lyrics
the truth hurts but it’s worse to keep a secret
you’re the only person who knows how to drain my pain
i brought band+aids for your bandmates
please let me stay

[verse 2]
i think i’m gonna text my sister
she’s been trying to reach me and a week ago she almost missed her chance
i went through a near death experience
and given the circumstance, things could’ve been different
i’m still trying to figure out who i am
but at least i know i’m not his weak spot
please don’t do me any more harm, that is the way to my heart
i can’t play the part when you ask me how i’ve been; the truth is i am lost
i’m in love with you since 2000 and i don’t know when
and i always feel like i’m trying too hard
i probably should stop but i can’t relax
i’m still immature and insecure about problems i am sure everyone else has
i always get this way when i don’t know what to say
my hair stand on end and i overreact
i disappointed everybody for not becoming what they expected
i put into so much effort to just keep living and it seems like nothing happened
oh god, i miss being seventeen
when everything was good dramatic
when all i cared about was status and i wasn’t aware i’m unattractive
so i could show my face on the internet and not sweat it
i found my ex online and i sent him a text
to see if he was doing bad so it would help my self+esteem
but you can’t rely your confidence on someone else
i lack common sense and you seem to have a selective memory
you’ve ruined my life, traumatized me big time
’cause you refused to call me ”baby”
i spent five years questioning what+ifs and maybe’s
and i came to the conclusion that no human being wants to date me
[chorus]
if i don’t like the way i’m perceived
it’s ’cause you were my mirror
there was a time when i believed everyone had some sh+t to figure
i don’t understand how they now have their whole lives planned
when i can’t send a dm sayin’ ”i miss you”
i don’t talk too much but i overshare in my lyrics
the truth hurts but it’s worse to keep a secret
you’re the only person who knows how to drain my pain
i brought band+aids for your bandmates
please let me stay

- slaves of the feeling lyrics

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