sloppy seconds – i don’t wanna be a homosexual lyrics
(dialogue from “female trouble,” between edith m-ssey and michael potter)
aunt ida nelson: “have you met any nice boys in the swan?”
gator: “oh, pretty nice.”
aunt ida: “i mean any nice queer boys. did you fool with any of them?
gator: “aunt ida, you know i dig women.”
aunt ida: “aw, don’t tell me that.”
gator: “christ, let’s not go through this again.”
aunt ida: “all those beauticans, and you don’t have any boy dates?”
gator: “i don’t want any boy dates.”
aunt ida: “oh honey, i’d be so happy if you turned nally.”
gator: “hey, no way. i’m straight. i mean i like a lot of queers, but i don’t dig their equipment, y’know? i like women.”
aunt ida: “but you can change. queers are just better. i’d be so proud if you was a f-g, and had a nice beautician boyfriend. i’d never have to worry.”
gator: “there ain’t nothing to worry about.”
aunt ida: “i’m worried that you’ll work in an office, get married, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. the world of heteros-xuals is a sick and boring life.”
gator: “sometimes i think you’re f-cking crazy. i’m real happy just the way i am.”
people are telling me that i’m missing out on the fun.
‘ cause i don’t go anywhere, and i don’t meet anyone.
but i know how rumors fly.
when you’re a lonely guy.
and i’m here to tell you it’s a lie.
there’s stange things going on at night most everywhere.
you know those places, well you’ll never see me there.
i walk by other men.
and i don’t notice them.
but then those rumors start again.
so i’m gonna tell the world.
i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual.
i’m gonna find a girl.
’cause i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual.
i guess that it’s okay.
if other guys are gay.
but my hormones are one-directional.
and i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual.
somebody tell me what i did to start this talk.
is it the way i look? is it the way i walk?
is it the clothes i wear,
that make the people stare?
is it the way i comb my hair?
i’m only hoping maybe there will come a day
when i can make them understand that i’m not gay.
but ’till that day is near,
iguess i’ll live in fear.
and i curse the day i pierce my ear.
there’s nothing wrong with me.
i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual.
know what i want to be.
and i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual.
soft boys and closet queens,
think judy garland’s keen.
but i don’t think she’s nothing special.
and i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual.
(instrumental break)
so now i’m wondering if maybe they’re not right.
’cause i’ve gone all paranoid and i can’t sleep at night.
i went to see the shrink.
what did the doctor think?
i swear to god i saw him wink.
i pray to god i’m wrong
i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual.
why did i write this song
if i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual?
i hope it’s not too late,
for them to set me straight.
i’ve got to see a real professional.
’cause i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual, no!
no no no no. no no no no no no no.
i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be
i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual.
(repaeated in background)
i don’t wanna go with guys named shamus.
i don’t wanna be rich and famous.
i don’t wanna go to a french art festival
and i don’t wanna be a h-m-s-xual.
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