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slug - a poop story lyrics

it’s 2008, may. i don’t remember what day. we were on a tour (i’m in a band). we were driving into los angeles and we were late for loading. but we just so happened to be driving right past the hotel where we had our day rooms booked at and so, i’m trying to convince the busdriver to pull over just for a hot second to kick me off the bus so i can run to the hotel and get a room, so that i can p++p. y’all can go ahead and keep going to loading. i really really have to go to the bathroom. and bus driver, you know, he feels mе so he lets me out. i go in, i gеt a room, i go directly up to my room, beeline you know ? i mean, i walk in the room and by the time i even get 12 feet to the bathroom i’m already… you know. bam ! sit down and i p++p. and i p++p and i p++p and i p++p and i p++p and i p++p, and, i don’t know if it was all the p++p or if it was + maybe they had the good toilet paper, i don’t really remember, maybe i used too much toilet paper, i like to be clean, but i clogged the toilet. i flush, cause that’s what i do and the toilet’s clogged, and the water is arising and it’s getting to the brim, and i see what’s happening here. i see it: it’s about to be p++p water all over the bathroom floor and that’s not a good look. i panick, and i did the only thing i could think of doing: i go in, i pull my sleeve up, and i go in ! i’m gonna unclog this… and i’m gonna fix this situation. no, didn’t happen, i couldn’t unclog nothing. the clog was too far in, it was somewhere… i don’t know where it was, i couldn’t reach it, it might’ve been downstairs. i don’t know where my p++p got stuck but i couldn’t stop it. p++p water’s flowing, i got p++p water on my arm, p++p water’s on the floor. p++p water is starting to make its way towards the bathroom door and it’s gonna touch the carpet of the hotel room and then it’s a wrap. then i have to pay for all kinds of stuff. i don’t like paying for stuff. so i grab all the towels + white towels huh + i grab ’em all. i save one for my arm. the rest of ’em, i build like a levy to stop the floods. and it worked, kinda. i use the one on my arm to clean up my arm. i go over to the hotel phone, i call downstairs: “i’m sorry. i don’t quite know how to tell you this, i’m really embarassed but i clogged your toilet and there’s p++p water all over the floor.” she’s like: “don’t worry, sh+t happens. i’ll send somebody up.” and just a few minutes later there’s a knock on my door. i let a guy in. immediately i feel like half a man cause here’s this guy who fixes things for a living, looking at me like ” what is wrong with this guy ? doesn’t he know if he just reaches underneath the reservoir and twists the water nod he can turn the water off and keep the toilet from overflowing ? doesn’t he know he can just flip the reservoir off the top and grab the cup and pull the cup up and st…” yes i know all these things ! but in the panick i didn’t think to do any of them. the one thing i thought to do was just go in and handle my sh+t
but there’s a happy ending to the story. this guy who’s looking at me, judging me because i don’t know how to handle a situation, reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a set of keys, hands ’em to me. i go upstairs to my new room… in the sky [chuckles]. and it was a clean room, no p++p water. i got clean, then i went and rapped. sorry it’s a p++p story. that’s the story. sorry, i apologize

- slug lyrics

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