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spanish love songs - it's not interesting lyrics

i say there’s more hurt than happy in my mind
each time my chest aches
like i can’t breathe deep right
but maybe i just don’t know myself that well
or i’m up on the stage playing up the lies:
“isn’t he miserable?” “dylan, are you alright?”
you’re the only one that i’ve talked to tonight
if i’m being honest, it’s only cause i’m scared

maybe i should learn to love myself?
it always feels better staying down
maybe i’ll be happy in the end?
should i hold my breath and wait for it?

it’s the same way that i’ve always been—
talking sh-t for attention; complaining for the eyes;
telling every stranger i meet the same three stories
it’s not interesting
feeling more paranoid than motivated
turning down s-x when i’m feeling depressed
and when i think i’m losing my mind
i have a chorus of voices who remind me that:
“nothing you do is real
nothing you feel is real
but it’s full of consequences.”

i’m spending a year out of my comfort zone
i don’t think i’ve ever been comfortable in my life
or my own skin
so i spent a decade painting myself blue
running from any hint of the truth:
i’m far too old to complain about dying alone
when i’ve been the way i’ve been
and i don’t think i can fix this if i find god
there’s no drug in the world that could possibly wash this off
i can’t even go down to the river
and stick my f-cking head in it
the feeling’s gone
just let me come back home
let me wash the dark away

- spanish love songs lyrics

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