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speed on the beat - cleanse (tormented soul) lyrics

[verse one: speed on the beat]
people predicted plausible possibilities as to why my brain
worked wonders somedays, and others wasted away
doctors decided disorders were the definitive device
they told me i was bipolar, and overanxious
put everyone before myself, but whole the story is not
stressed about failure, hating to disappoint but they kind of forgot
to calculate the fact sometimes i’m apathetic
easily distracted, then again, that could be part of the bd
now add that sh-t up, multiply by 26 years
divide by bout half, cause my fam? history of illness
gotd-mn, i can stress, can’t i? especially considering
i could either live til i’m 90, or die in three weekends
that’s why i gotta do something, go to school, even with loans
make my mark, of course, cuz tomorrow’s not promised
therefore, i’ma make sure i control, my destiny
so that same ol’ sh-t i talked about, won’t have much effect on me

[hook: speed on the beat]
welcome to the mind of a tormented soul
i just wanna heal the world, but honestly i know
if i don’t talk about me for a second, i’ll explode
(and let all my work go the way of the dodo)
so, excuse me, while i spill me whole
this is the final step of letting go
the next step to ascending so…
please bare with my tormented soul (as i cleanse)

[verse two: speed on the beat]
i was born august 17, 1988
francis scott key medical, where i took my first breath, baby
knew from the start i was different, especially since
i walked before i crawled, and my daddy had some other kids
older than me, thus they were colder to me
don’t want to acknowledge me as speed? on the real, f-ck ’em b
they the ones that turned their back on my father
i’m the one who withstood the thunder of the slaughter
along with my mother, even though she was sick like him
with her back, spine withering away like packages
full of hostess goodies surrounded by fat kids
and the sad sh-t is if i wasn’t born, she could’ve been/
better, i used to blame myself for her sickness
i think she knew, cause as i grew? she’d exploit her sickness
making me feel guilty for not being overly supportive
but when i’ve got my own kid, i can’t support two families (d-mn!)

[verse 3: speed on the beat]
skeletons in my closet, i was touched, no angel
i feared being ’round my son because i didn’t understand
what it meant to be involved in something so sick
and that i could never buck trends…
(that’s what i thought anyways)
i never talk about it much, i mean, it’s taboo
in black communities to say “hey, i was molested”
and even worse when you know that the person you accuse
is close to your heart, so i kept it hidden
i was raped by a woman, freshman year at umd
didn’t report that sh-t, because on the real, who’d believe me?
the nymphomaniac that hung with d-r-e
was drugged and taken advantage of at a party
besides, we all know that men can never ever be raped
we want all the p-ssy that’s put up in our face
i’ll make sure that jojo never has to deal with f-ckery
so if it’s gotta be all on me? f-ck it, bring it on, b
i’ll take the brunt of the world to make sure that he lives
a life without strife, without being touched or emotionally
scarred, though it’s hard and i wanna lose control
i’ve gotta put these pieces together, of this kind of fractured soul…

[outro]
i was born august 17th, nineteen eigh–

- speed on the beat lyrics

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