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speed on the beat - dreaming (the breakthrough) lyrics

[verse one: speed on the beat]
a’yo, my first outburst, it was a gift and a curse
didn’t know it at first, no one understood the hurt
that i’d felt inside, not knowing any of it at the time
when i punched the gl-ss window, threatened to kirk
reckless behavior, n0body controlling me
teachers scold me, girls loved me but they always consoling me
not knowing what was truly going on in my mind
so i ended up proving them h-lla right
and i resorted to it, one time, me and my moms were homeless
i was focused on trying to get us out this abyss
eight or nine or ten or something, they thought that i was bugging
so they tried to fly in not expecting that i was in h-ll already…
so, h-ll…dammit, i was ready
to end all their endeavors before they pulled the piece!
not truly understanding what was going on in my mind
the doctors told me i had a problem but i’d know in due time

[hook: speed on the beat]
i was dreaming…
thinking everything’s alright when the world is sinking…
drugging out day and night, plotting and scheming…
even if reality’s full of strife, i can’t be caught dreaming
i’ll get out of this h-ll myself, i don’t wanna be dreaming…

[verse two: speed on the beat]
fast forward to roland park, back when i met true
they knew i was an a-plus student, but stupid they couldn’t prove
anything was wrong. they thought i was a problem child
wanted to put me in dec cl-sses, they were pretty through…
trying to understand the macabre scenes in the dreams
already had matt try to k!ll himself, they gave no f-cks ’bout me
i was black, short and fat, and i tried to f-ck savvy
sadly couldn’t see myself ever truly being happy
that’s recklessness, impulsiveness, self-destructive behavior
suicide attempts, depression and hyperness in my capers
but they didn’t see it until i was about twenty
(but they didn’t see it until i was about twenty)
my dad’s dying, i started dating raquel
i started to let go, but there were still h-lla skel-
e-tons in my closet, and son i almost lost it
hobbling across the parking lot to traffic i almost threw
myself into route one, praying i’d end it all
drowned sorrows in alcohol, but nothing could k!ll the stewed
up feelings in my head, all driving to my bed
of death i almost went, but i decided to seek the truth

[hook]
because i was dreaming…
thinking everything’s alright when the world is sinking…
drugging out day and night, plotting and scheming…
even if reality’s full of strife, i can’t be caught dreaming
i’ll get out of this h-ll myself…

[verse three: speed on the beat]
mr. speed you’re bipolar and that honestly kinda shocked me
i said f-ck your rules and expectations, don’t try to lock me
i got another set of eye, more aligned with what i wanted to do
fast forward to a little after i turn 22
plus three holes in the walls…
my two-year-old son scared to come through
my path, we break up again, no demons forced me
tore the skin of the boring me lost myself in my stories
abusing medications, klonnies push me off the cliff
“i’ll just enjoy the ride,” started drifting into “consciousness.”
the next thing i know, i’m chilling in laurel regional
“mr. speed, will you admit yourself?” whatever yo
the on-call doctor said “we think you’ve bd”
“on the one side of the spectrum, a cl-ssic case won’t you agree?”
so here i am, one of the youngest in this thing, and see
missing out on cl-sses and dealing with foolishness (help me!)
but, ultimately, owning up helped me once before
so before i left out the door i let some of it into my soul
began feeling weights lifted off my shoulders and
everyone around me said i seemed like “me” again–revived soul

- speed on the beat lyrics

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