stanley holloway - the ape and the lady lyrics
a lady fair, of lineage high
was loved by an ape, in the days gone by—
the maid was radiant as the sun
the ape was a most unsightly one—
so it would not do—
his scheme fell through;
for the maid, when his love took formal shape
expressed such terror
at his monstrous error
that he stammered an apology and made his ‘scape
the picture of a disconcerted ape
with a view to rise in the social scale
he shaved his bristles, and he docked his tail
he grew moustachios, and he took his tub
and he paid a guinea to a toilet club
but it would not do
the scheme fell through—
for the maid was beauty’s fairest queen
with golden tresses
like a real princess’s
while the ape, despite his razor keen
was the apiest ape that ever was seen!
he bought white ties, and he bought dress suits
he crammed his feet into bright tight boots
and to start his life on a brand+new plan
he christened himself darwinian man!
but it would not do
the scheme fell through—
for the maiden fair, whom the monkey craved
was a radiant being
with a brain far+seeing—
while a man, however well+behaved
at best is only a monkey shaved!
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