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starbomb - the simple plot of metal gear solid lyrics

[intro: danny s-xbang, egoraptor]
h-llo, and welcome back to another episode of ‘talking video games.’
-clapping-
we continue today in our series of games with simple plots. guests, please introduce yourselves and tell us the plots of your games
i’m de chef from burger time! i make-a de burgers!
-clapping-
h-llo, i’m centipede. i just kinda move down the screen
-clapping-
hey, i’m snake from metal gear solid. my game’s got a pretty simple story…
snake, i don’t see your name on the list…
ah, my friend cloud strife told me to come on this show and talk about it…
oh god, no…

[verse 1: egoraptor, danny s-xbang]
it was the distant future, two thousand and five
all i wanted to do was chill out and retire
but genetically enhanced renegades named foxhound
stole a bunch of nukes and had sh-t on lockdown
okay we’re past our time limit, snake!
colonel campbell said i had to infiltrate
before they start a nuclear conflict
what a bunch of jerks!
you’re a bag of d-cks
i climbed through an air vent and saved two guys
they shared top secrets and suddenly died
of two heart attacks right out of thin air
all within five minutes!
oh my god, i don’t care!
then i met meryl, a hot box of rocks
and i fought a gunslinger named ocelot
but a cyborg ninja cut his hand away
you know, normal sh-t that happens every day

[chorus: danny s-xbang, rubberross, egoraptor]
listen, snake, there must’ve been a mistake
on this show, you’ve got to get right to the point of the game
like the ship from galaga
hi, i shoot stuff in sp-ce
and this car from pole position
i’m a car!
that’s great!
you know we’ve been through this before with your boy cloud strife
and he talked so long i contemplated ending my life
so let’s keep things nice and simple like the hero over there
from the atari game adventure
i’m literally just a yellow square!

[verse 2: egoraptor, danny s-xbang]
who cares!
i tried really hard to find a mech named rex
and the ninja came back in the mix like chex
it was gray fox and i fought vulcan raven
a big motherf-ckin’ alaskan shaman
so i k!lled that guy but before he died
he said meryl liked me, i almost cried
she’s a little hottie pants, ooh-meow!
it would be so great if you died right now
i k!lled sniper wolf who was absurdly hot
and then murdered three guys and an evil robot
’til liquid snake and i were left alone
he said that i was his brother and a superior clone
then he died of a virus and thinking fast
meryl saved us
i don’t give a frog’s fat -ss
then when stayed together until the seven year itch
and now you know the simple plot of metal gear, b-tch!

[chorus: danny s-xbang, rubberross, egoraptor]
listen snake i’ve taken all i can take
just because a game is simple doesn’t mean that it’s lame
tell the kid from paperboy
yo, i deliver those papes!
the guy from elevator action
uh, elevators
okay!

[bridge: danny s-xbang]
dear god
why can’t i just have a single panel of guests
who can say their plots in forty f-ckin’ minutes or less?
now just watch me snake before you make me reach for my gun
i’ll summarize your game and show you how this sh-t is really motherf-ckin’ done!
how it’s motherf-ckin’ done!

[outro: danny s-xbang, egoraptor]
you sneak around and save the world. the end
my god, can i get a replacement guest with a simple plot please?
hi, i’m sora from kingdom hearts!
noo!

- starbomb lyrics

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