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stephen james smith - the gardener lyrics

she turned to me and said
“do you think i am happy?”
and i heard a question i didn’t want to hear
i knew the answer
i have listened to the cry
but to face it, it made me uneasy
but i felt the bravery
i felt the realness in the moment
so i answered

you see, she is a gardener
who has great plans, but works with what she’s got
she loves creation
sees beauty and wants to share it with you
sees the cruelty of nature and understands its powеr
yet it fills her with wonder
havе you tried her rhubarb fresh from granny’s garden?
you should
maybe there are prettier roses
but she’d rather be a cooking apple
or better yet a gooseberry
her hands are worn
the flesh loosened by age
she held my hand in church today
for the first time in too long
her eyes are still young
still life to be lived
this jo bangles is not condemned
when there is breath left
still seeking that happiness
god love her
“people before profit”, she says
a modern day guevara or connolly
as a nation lets her down
working thirty four years in a job
draining away her very essence
for what?
to feed me
educate me
clothe me
but not stopping there
i remember
she took me to mrs prendergast’s near butlins
when we couldn’t afford to go to butlins
caravanning in roundwood with takeaway chinese
the isle of man, the cinema
jazz after church every sunday
as we did today twenty eight years on
taught me to notice the sunset
her bondage
a sick child and a broken marriage
all this, and i don’t know how to speak to her
i always want to hug her and i don’t know how
so a veiled kiss laced with courtesy will do
she’s been learning how to stop living inside her own head
gets up, goes out
half the battle
no panic attacks for a while
still manic, but calmer now
still pretending
still xenophobic
h0m+phobic
not meaning to be
lost marbles down gutters like dreams
the anger, it’s fresher though
built up over years of false dawns and mistrust
reduced expectations, frustrations
wants contentment now
quiet
yes, quiet
peace
or perhaps a bird song
in her garden
where she will grow
apples, pears
strawberries
raspberries
gooseberries
watch them bloom again
and return to the soil
but not before she has lived a life deserving
my mother told me today
she pretends to be happy
what do you say to that?
let’s watch her flower now, i say
and bring her some water

- stephen james smith lyrics

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